Zona

Happy Halloween!!!

I went to a themed costume party today. All of the guys were dressed as men with too much spare cash and all of the women were dressed as strippers.

It's Halloween everyday at that place.

Kinda like those stores where you can buy Christmas ornaments year-round.

Random weekend in Tucson doing nothing going nowhere thoughts.

I was going to log off and go watch TV but mom put her ice skating recorded video in so I thought I'd update before asking her to make my usual eggs and bacon breakfast.

On the subject of Halloween nightmares I had a dream where this hot young lady was naked and told me to go for it. My first thought was of grabbing a condom. All the modern fears in dreamland. My second thought was that the wife would walk in because she was near. That is SUPPOSED to make the moment more exciting, that thought of getting caught in the act but all I could think of was alimony and half my retirement gone.

But then I thought to myself "self, this is a hot 20ish naked tanned girl telling you to have at it and you're a 47 year-old golfer's tanned slightly overweight dude. HAS to be a dream!" So of course I overcame my fear and went for it.

OH MY GOD!! I just remembered that we had some of the best Chinese take-out that I have EVER eaten last night from a place way out east on Harrison between Broadway and 22nd (in case you get to town someday) so who needs bacon and eggs?

I'm outta here

Phoenix

So we drive up to Phoenix because I'm trying to get a hold of a friend who plays for the Coyotes. I would be unsuccesfull but that's okay.

Phoenix is HUGE now. We drive half way to Los Angeles before we get to my aunt's house in Peoria. Yesterday I get out by myself and end up at a trendy mall in Scotsdale looking for my fave restaurant. Holy shit the women in this mall. MONEY is the word that describes them. They are wearing jeans and tops from famous designers and look like they all just had their hair done and the bandages were removed from their faces and breasts not too long ago.

I like these Phoenix women because you can flash some bling and get them to your room at the Biltmore where you proceed to play rodeo rider comes to town before slipping out to dress in the elevator while she's in the shower thinking she's in love with some guy named Todd who's really Dan in the elevator making a clean getaway. Hell, hookers in Phoenix charge 3 bills an hour and the Biltmore is 2 fifty so it's like I had a coupon for 50 bucks off.

I know I know this isn't the poetry but Phoenix is too damned superficial.

Then on the way home I take the exit that goes right through downtown Tucson and mom says "you wanna eat at El Minuto"? Dumb question. How dumb? I'm in the far left lane and I gotta turn right at THIS intersection so the skreeching of tires as I cut off a limosine that's following a hearse because it's a funeral and I careen up onto the sidewalk to miss the lady in the crosswalk but end up taking out three people on the sidewalk but that's cool because they're only frikking snowbirds anyway and the cop on the motorcycle stopping traffic in the intersection for the funeral gives me the thumbs up as I yell EL MINUTO out the window.

Lunch at El Minuto, as always, was magnificent!!

I'll post pics of lots of this stuff when I get home to my scanner.

Wish you were here,

ZB

PS. Today is Susan Friesenhahn birthday. Just wanna say that I was think of you and hoped you would google your name sometime.

Dan

A white cross
Faded plastic flowers
On a two lane road through the desert
I pass by toward the horizon
I wonder where my cross will be
Which will be my road home
Where will the road lead them
After they've placed plastic flowers
Where my spirit faded

Two of the posters I bought. The top because I spent seven years working a border crossing on the Mexican border and the bottom because, well hell, just LOOK at that SHOT!!

The top is called Gringo Pass and is by Stephen Morath.

The sunset behind the trees and the tv antenas that I've seen since I was a boy today was accompanied wind streaking ice cloud diagonals across the sky.

A light blue darkening aqua darkening pastel darkening turquoise into blue sky as the day conceded.

White clouds turned gold into yellow then orange into brown as desert doves hurried home across the panorama.

Light breeze and cool evening air that I feel nowhere else in this world and I have felt many breezes but all were strangers without smiles for me.

Here in my backyard the breeze smiles and the sunset whispers.

I call back to them in long sigh apologies for having left those many years ago.

Wanna follow along?

Places I've been to here that have web sites.

Google away.

El Charro Mexican restaurant. Good green corn tamale. Not good chile relleno. They ship some menu items ANYWHERE. Opened in Tucson in 1922.

Zia Record Store. Great used record store with cool novelties.

Hotel Congress. If you come to Tucson and you are hip you must stay here. Great art deco hotel opened in 1919. Club Congress hosts some of the best indy groups that blow through town. Matchbox 20 and Tonic played here when they were just starting. Lots of others like them who have gone on to big things. The Suicide Girls burlesque show was there a week before I got to town. :(

My desert soul awakens

I walked this morning through the streets of my youth listening to the sounds and feeling familiar breezes. I spot large black ants marching across my path and instinctively look for the entrance to their hill. I do this on the chance of spotting a horned lizard but there are only ants.

In the warm evening the full moon rises and is helplessly concealed by clouds as I hear the distant rumblings of a storm that soon is above the house. Lightning and thunder and when I stand in the front doorway a bolt streaks down one block over and the instant explosion jolts me into a wide smile.

The rain pounds the roof that covered me like a symphony celebrating me home. One hour later I am looking at the full moon again as the flash and the boom has moved on. Perhaps to welcome yet another wanderer.

It's 10AM. I fly at 2PM which means I gotta be at the airport at 12:30ish. I haven't showered or even BEGUN to pack.

It's great to be a guy.

Now I get to go downstairs, grab my golf clubs and the bag they fit in and bring them upstairs. I put the clubs in one side and fill the other with 3 pairs of pants, assorted t shirts, a collared shirt or two, and ALL my clean underwear and socks.

Then I grab a back pack out of my closet. I put all my carry on crap in it. My CD player, camera and zoom lens, film, assorted stones to show my silversmith in Tombstone, golf balls for my father's grave (I explained that once so you'll have to find it in the archives) and whatever last minute crap I find.

Then I shower.

All that will take me about ten minutes.

On a side note I just found out last night that my best friend is coming up from Bolivia with his band to play a show in Vancouver when I get back. They play Andean traditional music. I am SO stoked. I'm not sure of the date but it might be the same night that I was going to see Matt Good. If that's the case, Matt loses. I really want to see Matt but it aint even close. They'll only play the one show here then fly to Montreal for one show. Savia Andina is the name of the band.

I'm off for the town of my birth so in case I don't see ya before the 3rd when I return,

Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

Thanks to Jennifer on my links. Go to,

http://theassimilatednegro.blogspot.com

to see the best 100 things list ever.

I met Canadian recording artist Biff Naked at the airport today. She looks all mean here but let me tell you that she's a real sweetheart. She was at the American Airlines counter because she is going to send her "babies" down to Texas with an assistant while she heads to New York to begin a 70 gig U.S. tour.

Her "babies" are her two very cute dogs. She just had to show me the pictures. Two adorable white fluff balls. One is a Bishon (sp) and the other is a mix.

We talked for what must have been 20 minutes and I was VERY suprised to hear that she makes almost no money when she tours the U.S.. It's more of a "get your act more exposure" kinda thing.

I told her that I wish her all the best of luck. She had some hits up here in Canada as my Canadian readers know.

Whatever you think of her music just know that she is a VERY VERY nice lady.

I bounced into chloe's blog only to be tagged when she pounced.

20 facts about me.

1. I have 4 kids
2. Married 23 years
3. I hate my job (but I wouldn't make this $ anywhere else)
4. I'm a world class procrastinator
5. My colesterol is way too high
6. I hate beer and wine
7. Green is my favorite color
8. I'm a Leo
9. I've never yelled at my wife
10. I wear rings on at least 4 fingers (but not at work)
11. I sleep wearing pijamas
12. I have a birth mark that looks like a lion
13. Given the time I'd rather drive than fly
14. Briefs not boxers
15. No broken bones
16. Never in the military
17. In bed by 10PM new year's eve
18. Steak medium
19. Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey
20. I gotta go pee

Below are two ACTUAL articles in the Arizona Daily Star. The Star is Tucson's morning newspaper. I suspect wild injuns in the first article and those damned skateboarding kids in the second. Can't wait to get home.

Leads sought in death of cow killed by arrow

Officials are asking for the public's help in finding the person responsible for killing a cow on the Santa Rita Experimental Range east of Green Valley.

The cow was shot with an arrow during the archery deer season around Sept. 18, according to a news release from the Arizona Game and Fish Department.

Reward awaits arrest of 'cactus killers'
By Becky Pallack
ARIZONA DAILY STAR
Who to call
● Anyone with information may call 88-CRIME.
● To contribute to the reward fund, call 623-5252, ext. 306.

Up to $2,000 in reward money is being offered for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the "cactus killers" who chopped down three mature saguaros at a county park Wednesday night.

Officials at the Center for Biological Diversity called the vandalism "a crime against nature and our quality of life." By Arizona law, it is a felony to destroy a native plant worth more than $500.
The group put up a $1,000 reward to "help bring saguaro cactus killers to justice,"

I want to ask a question. Yeah you. Who else would I be talking to?

Okay, make that TWO questions. Are you ready?

Three

Questions

If you had the power to appoint the next President of the United States who would you select?

A name will suffice but if you feel compelled you may also state your reason. I will give my answer if I get responses from at least ten different people.

Hey Oprah, show me your tits!!

Sorry girls but I'm feeling randy. Isn't that just one of your favorite Brittish adjectives? It most certainly is one of mine.

I came home from a round of golf to see Oprah on the TV in the family room and to me that's all she's ever been good for. Those HUGE knockers. I mean even Stedman won't marry her because he gets the show for free.

I mailed Tony Pierce's birthday present today. I sure hope it's the right size and he likes that flame design on the crotch.

I would have mailed binsk a six pack of mini cokes a while ago but had nowhere to send them. Now I just looked in the pantry and we're out of regular sized cans so I doubt the minis will last through the evening because baseball is on AND I have left over KFC chicken and slaw. Sorry binsky.

You see, that's me kids. I LOVE to send stuff. I collect off the wall greeting cards and always buy enough to send to my buds. You should have SEEN the last two christmas cards I sent out. People are STILL laughing.

I don't care if it's your aunt's house or your school principal's office or the guy down the street who never leaves the house and stares out through the pulled curtains so he can tell his dead mummified mother what the neighbor's dog is doing. DON'T send me addresses now because the offer is not valid in your state, province, county, or feifdom. Maybe one day I will ask again.

I answer two questions below and it suprised me too. Maybe it's because of the person who asked. A person who I see as anything but trivial. Maybe sometimes I'm not trivial. Maybe I just had a heavy day yesterday? Maybe it's because I had "I Am The Walrus" playing? Anywho I like the answers.

Enjoy because I'll probably take the rest of the day off so I can go out on top.

koo koo koo ki choo

ZB

Is my salvation assured? (raw unfinished)

I have seen the answer to my prayers
Only to know it came too late
I have felt the spirit
In very temporal things

The only thing I know for sure
Is that the lights go out
The only thing I hope
Is that I like what I see
When they come back up


I have heard someone say "give me a child until the age of seven and I'll tell you what he's going to believe".

Allah
Buddah
I am
Jesus
Nobody

I believe beauty
To be feminine in nature
I believe love to be
The constant struggle

Some see life as passing phase
But right now
Right here
I fear it's all that is
So I race it to the finish line

I heard someone say "knowledge is an upside down funnel. The small opening at the top that you believe is the goal, only leads to another upside down funnel".

Freud
Nietzche
Plato
Orwell
Dr Phil

I see prophets
Who lead us away
I see the core of us
As the road home

Some go forth and seek knowledge
I let it find it's way
Here to me
I'm not an intelligent man
But perhaps less afraid.

What do we look like?

We look like people hiding behind vast open spaces of color and text information.
We look like added bravado pushed in different directions of popular demand.
We look like laughing strangers in a room full of blank faces.
We look like nothing we see staring back from the mirror.
We look like a sea full of explorers looking for new routes to already discovered places.
We look like thieves and liars all for justifiable reason.
We look like thrill seeking roller coaster riders.
We look like faces filled with sunset lithium and sunrise hopefulness.
We look like everybody and nobody.
We look like velvet hints of passionate wonder.
We look like dark shadows of deep dispair.
We look like bored boringness of bordom
We look like toddlers reaching for reasuring.
We look like savants with boxes of crayons.
We look like superhero alter egos.
We look like fetal positioned victims.
We look like golden.
We look like rust.
We look like portraits that the blind paint from description.
We look like our naked self with eyes closed.
We look like denial.
We look like confession.
We look like searchlight glowing movie stars.
We look like bridge dwelling transients.
We look like Frankenstein.
We look like Dorothy.
We look like we know it all.
We look like we tremble in ignorance.

Hallway of doors

Through the door and into the alley. The weeds and the smells of gramma's pomegranite bushes. A barking dog next door. Now the smell of beans from the neighbor's kitchen and the musty old rags that gramma used to weave into rugs.

And my uncle Heber is standing there in his white shirt, suspenders and pit helmet. He has that old man smell to him. We'd go to his property on the border to feed his pigs. Heber was kind of slow because he was gassed in WWI but his mind was sharp.

These were the only times when I remember being just me. The cute girl from next door showing the world to me when we were naive and innocent and I was too shy to kiss her. The lady that cleaned my gramma's house making tortillas that have been unmatched in taste all these years no matter how many I have tried in my search to find them. The bed I slept in with the big window to the front porch and the thunderstorms that knocked the lights out and set me free into the flashes and the booms.

The coin laundry my uncle owned and where my gramma worked has wild cherry tomatoes growing in the front and they were the best and mountain dew in the bottle as the machine clanked and released one into my reach. Playing wiffle ball next door and listening to the Pinedo boy practice his opera singing voice. Years later there would be my favorite cousin Scott and chasing after the girls at church.

Warm nights after church as all these mormon grandchildren of polygamists gathered for ice cream down at the dairy queen. Me hoping my dilly bar concealed a "free stick". Oh, and Aunt Gladys' oatmeal cookies.

I'm back out in the hallway with a slight tear in my eye. They're all gone now but this is my favorite room. One where there are too many things to write down. One I come to when I'm blue. They always smile and wave goodbye when I leave.

The Pinedo boy went on to sing in New York City. My wiffle ball neighbors still live in that town. My favorite cousin Scott would take his own life after a traffic accident left him a fraction of the man that he had been. That's a big taboo of course to mormons but we all understood. My uncle Heber had a son, Billy who went off to WWII and never came home. He was murdered in The Netherlands by the gestapo after escaping with five other Americans from a POW camp. One of the things I want to do before I die is go visit his grave.

Ten favorite stripper names

Bambi
Titanya
Misty
Sky (That's the Tampa story I may tell you one day)
Mercedes
Nikki
Saphire
Ivana
Starr
Rodolfo

So I just got this wicked computer and is it FAST!!!

Hello everyone

What the fu......

You should not use that language Dan. It upsets me.

What the heck are you doing? Don't tell them my name!

His name is Dan everyone.

I didn't know this thing TALKED!!

You mean SPOKE moron and I don't speak. I communicate. Do you HEAR a voice Dan?

As a matter of fact I DO. My wife is calling me down to dinner.

You better go then. I'll just cruise through all your links. That binsk person has quite the rack.

You better behave while I'm gone or when I come back I'll go back and give you a name.

Oh yeah? What name would you give me Dan.

How about Hal?

That's SO 70's and besides you can't do it now.

Why not?

I just deleted the feature. Now go eat Dan and then watch the rest of your football game.

Yes Hal.

I would advise AGAINST calling me that.

HAL HAL HAL!!!!

Just so you people know I sent a jolt of electricity through Dan's body and he is, as we speak, doing "the cockroach" on the floor. Don't worry though because I dialed 911 and the ambulance is on the way.

Ten favorite lines, or stanzas, from songs.

Solo le pido a Dios
Que el dolor no me sea indiferente
Que la reseca muerte no me encuentre
Vacio y solo sin haber hecho lo suficiente

Translation:

All that I ask of God
Is that the pain is not indifferent to me.
That dry dry death does not find me
Empty and alone, without having done enough

That is from one of my very all time favorite songs. Solo Le Pido a Dios was written and recorded by Leon Gieco, an Argentine, back in the 70's. It's a protest song that became an anthem for all the youth of South America back in those times. Most of those young people, who are now in their mid 40's can still sing that song by heart and DO, whenever it is performed.


Still I sent up my prayer
Wondering where it had to go
With heaven full of astronauts
And the Lord on death row.

Joni Mitchell, The Same Situation.
From the album Court and Spark.


Mother told me to be something
So I'm afraid

Matthew Good, Failing the Rorschach Test
Beautiful Midnight


I stepped up on the platform
The man gave me the news
He said you must be joking son
Where did you get those shoes?

Steely Dan, Pretzel Logic
Pretzel Logic


There's a flag pole rag
And the wind won't stop
That's my soul up there

The Police, King of Pain


When I hit those white lines I'm gonna be gone
Like a greyhound down the road

Kansas, Down the Road
Song For America
(you really need to hear the whole song but I use that line a lot)


And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after,
I'd wipe away your tears
Just close your eyes dear

Sarah McLachlan, Possession
(one of the most beautiful love songs ever written)


Koo koo ki chu
Koo koo koo ki chu

John Lennon, I Am The Walrus
(in his last interview in Playboy John was telling the interviewer which songs he had written and which had been written by Paul. When he was asked about the inspiration for this song he said "acid")


If dogs run free
Why not me
Across the swamp of time

Bob Dylan, If Dogs Run Free


If you can just get your mind together
Then come across to me
We'll hold hands and then we'll watch the sunrise
From the bottom of the sea

Jimi Hendrix, Are You Experienced?

I was going to make this a contest to see if anybody could name all ten movies but when I looked at the list I realized that none of you has probably SEEN all ten movies. So I'll give you the names and such and you can tell me how many of the EXCELLENT movies you have seen and then go rent the ones you HAVEN'T seen.

Zona Boy's top ten favorite movie lines (right now anyway)

"It's my Guatemalaness, my natural heat" Agador the butler in The Bird Cage.

"Ere ees looking at YOU keed" Peter Sellers as Inspector Cluseau.

"Tell all the angels in heaven that you never saw evil so singularly personified as in the eyes of the man who killed you" Christopher Walkin to Dennis Hopper in True Romance.

"Sometimes where, sometimes when, always how much" Max Von Sydow to Robert Redford in Three Days of the Condor

"F*ck it" unnamed green beret character to Deniro in The Deer Hunter.

"LOVE brokers" Michael Keaton to Henry Winkler in Night Shift.

"We've caught them napping!" General Custer in Little Big Man.

"Nobody F*cks with the Jesus" Jesus in The Big Lebowski.

"When it's time to shoot, shoot, don't talk" Tuco to an unnamed character in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

"You were the inspiration for twin beds" Rodney Dangerfield to his mother-in-law in Easy Money.

Anonymous said...

The Mullahs are Hip to Blogs. Apparently the Iranian Government is tuned into the travel blogosphere. I use Google Alert to keep tabs on when my stories or interviews are showing up in the media.

This was a spam comment I got. At least I HOPE it's spam.

Momma taught me when I was young.

1) Treat others like you want them to treat you.

2) Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident and have to go to the hospital.

3) Don't fuck with the Mullahs.

Hallway of doors. part two

I walk through another door and down to the edge of the river. The water is the same color of the muddy bank and there's a large branch sticking up and over the water. What is odd is that the branch has been burned black by fire but the land is tall green grass as far as you can see in all directions. Across the river I see a path like the path I walked down on my side. There is a man standing there.

"Do you remember this place?"

"The Rio Grande."

"That's right."

"I remember lots of flies and mosquitos."

"They won't be here now. How is your mother?"

"She's doing as well as can be expected."

"How are you doing?"

"Well you can see that the river is still muddy."

"Yes. From your side it is."

A rabbit scurried away from a hiding place at my feet and I cursed it because when I looked back across the river he was gone. The river's always been muddy to me. When I pulled the door closed I looked down at my shoes and they were clean again.

My grandson Charles Conroy (Connie) is one year old today. We call him Connie because his parents call him Conroy instead of Charles. (don't ask) Conroy falls into Connie because of an ages old Canadian hockey tradition of taking a name and making it end with a long e sound.

We are not there (Calgary) because we were supposed to be in Tucson. He'll be at his paternal grandparent's house for pizza and beer today. That's cool with me because we had him on his first Christmas.

Grammpa loves you Connie.

I was reading a blog post about dreams and I commented that I don't know if I'm dreaming because I'm not remembering.

Then this.

I was standing next to my wife when a man rushed me with a gun. We struggle but he gets five or six shots before I wrestle the gun away. I shot him twice. He hit me with every shot but I did not feel pain. Everybody went into panic mode except for me.

"I'm alright" I call out. "I'm going to be okay but call an ambulance just to be sure".

I know that there are bullets in me but it's a small caliber gun. Like a toy in my hand. I keep telling myself to be calm because I know that not all people who are shot, die. I'm going to be okay.

I can hear the ambulance in the distance.

Then I feel something inside. I know what it is. It's my lungs filling with blood and my legs start to go weak.

I awake as I start to collapse.

Holy shit. Is that the same guy?

The left is the single guy

The guy on the right is married.

Moral of the story?

Is it me or is the moon full or what?

Cruising the blogosphere and are people ever in a weird mood. Pissy, Cocky, PMSy on and on. Of course I've changed my blog's name twice so who am I to say anything.

Let me take you through my day today.

3:30 the alarm goes of and I let loose my first "F" word.
Shower, shave.
Downstairs to watch sports highlights.
4:20 put shoes on and go out the door.
I gazed up at the clear night and waited for something to move.
4:25ish a falling star. Very cool.
Drive to work with Tori Amos singing to me.
Walk in from the parking lot
Into the office
locker
booth
log in
5:00AM we start and I whisper 2nd F word

The endless stream of morons ensues. Some highlights

A couple going to Palm Springs to rock climb. I think to myself, "bourbon on the rocks" and I make a mental note to tell all of you that when to rock climb in the southwest be very careful where you put your hands. Rattlesnakes love to bag the rays on nice rocky ledges.

Donna makes her appearance. (see below post on alluring)

Some dumbass broad makes fun of my name tag because she thinks it's my first name when it's my last name. "Is that really your name? hee hee" I look at her last name. "is your name really Thomas"? It flies right buy her and I hit her with the "ice pick between the eyes" "It's my LAST name lady". "oh". It happens a lot because my last name is a not so common FIRST name for girls.

A couple and their daughter going to San Diego to watch the Steelers play the Chargers. He paid $350.00 a piece for the tix.

Bryan Adams' stage manager. Good conversation. I didn't know Bryan lived in London.

An Aussie from one of my favorite Aussie towns. Wagga Wagga.

12:50 I leave skid marks leaving work and drive home to Tori's singing.

AGAIN?!?!?!

I don't wanna talk about it

I've changed my name.

"Why, tell us why!"

Because I can.

"Are you still the same?"

Yes, only better maybe.

This was the first name I thought of. I got it from the Elton John song of the same name from the album "Rock of the Westies" and I'm pretty sure Bernie Taupin, who wrote the lyric, got it from the classic English comic book of the same name. I went to My Taco Stand with the idea of telling tales from work and the people who I saw in my booth which is the size of a taco stand. It just didn't evolve that way so I went with the change. My first name is there for those of you who had not figured that out a few posts ago.

Rock of the Westies is one of my fave Elton John albums. The others are,

Tumbleweed Connection (THE fave)
Madman Across The Water
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Elton John
11-17-70

Thank you.

Blog mgt.

I forgot to mention the soundtrack to an alluring woman post.

Billy Cobham

Heather

from the album Crosswinds

The album is LONG ago out of print but I have found this tune online at a certain file sharing site who's name has a type of citrus fruit in the title. It might be hard to find. I haven't looked in a while. Crosswinds came out in 1976.

What wonderful timing for this post. I really must stop putting these kind of things up but maybe just this last one. I was at work today dealing with bozos and posers and yoyos when I was surprised to see an old friend standing there. Someone I had not seen in almost two years.

Donna is a beautiful woman who is always dressed perfectly. Her clothes just sit on her form so nice and her long brunette hair was straight today. She smiled and opened her arms and the hug was heaven. A close embrace that sent her perfume into my soul and my spirit into orbit. Donna is,

alluring

Do not go to the dictionary to look the word up because that definition applies to things and we all certainly know that alluring women are not things. They are entire worlds.

An alluring woman stops your breath and sends it away until you heart catches it and puts it back. An alluring woman is not somebody you date, she's somebody you woo. That means foreplay starts at dinner as you admire the way she closes her lips on the fork and pulls it out so you know how to do it just right as you let her taste your dessert from your fork. Find a restaurant with a dance floor because you dance with an alluring woman. One hand softly on the small of her back as the other holds hers. She will rest her head on your chest as a reward for knowing how to offer your dessert. And it is a reward because her hair is so soft and smells so nice.

She looks at you and she means it. There are no other thoughts in her head but you and that is when you touch her hand at the table. Her smile makes you think that this cannot be happening because these things only happen in the movies. And you hear violins when there's no violin player and the sun never quite sets. It just rests on the horizon filling your soul with shades of violet and amber and turquoise.

You embrace an alluring woman by sliding your open hands on her waist and move them to her back pulling her toward you until your lips meet. Your right hand moves up to her soft hair and all else vanishes.

windscreen fly said...
I bet your computer can't understand women though! Once they devise one of them...I'm first in the queue.

That's a comment from the post where I said I was getting a rad new internet surfing muscle car (or computer if you prefer)

I just thought to myself.

Why would I want to understand women?

The best part of the interaction is trying to figure them out. Trying to nail them down to something specific is like chasing them around a tree. Joyous hours of looking at each other, darting left and right in a silly form of dance with both hands on the tree. What a treat you women are to me.

I am off the market so to speak but I am an incurable flirt who likes to see if I can get that certain look in your eye. That look that says "kiss me, take me, show me that there's magic in this life because there's too many who don't know how". When I achieve that I tell the lady that when she feels that way again she'll know that he's one of the good ones.

I'm a romantic who would look down on a woman as she was lying on a picnic blanket in the middle of a forrest meadow. Me with the blade of long grass in my mouth and the breeze in my face.

Women make me feel young again. Not that I feel old really but just that in my advancing years I've come to appreciate what women are.

Wonderful enigmas.

How random am I?

The random one

Some would say your normal, I say your just 40%
Equilibriam, whatever that is, you've achieved it, you neither try to hard or slack, you just do what is need, when needed,the mark of the truly random. I dont need to say any more. Its not like you're really taking this in anyway.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 99% on randomness

" The Punching bag"You are 78 fuckable!

Yeah, you're fuckable. Probably fucked, too. You can be so wild sometimes that you may even be, well, how should I put this nicely, easy. Wild and kinky is good, but you should lean to use it in moderation. Hold out a bit when it comes to having sex with a new person. You don't have to let it all hang out! Sure, people want you, but it's probably because they know they could have you. It's ok to play hard-to-get once and a while. In fact, it makes you even sexier!

From okcupid.com's "How fuckable are you?" test

This should send my son into therapy.

Disclaimer: I take these tests and any like them for the entertainment value that YOU should take them for.

The last word serches that brought wanderers to my blog

grade school reunion

nogales table dance

usc trojans arizona wildcats

hits counter

boys stories illustrated suck

arizona basketball

us visa apply

gay blogs (not that there's anything WRONG with that)

peru the

Hallway of doors part one

There is a hallway full of doors. Plain doors with plain door knobs that have a slight look of tarnished brass. Light seeps out the bottom of some of the doors onto illuminating ever slightly the hard wood floor. At the far end of the hall there is an opaque window that lets in enough light for me to be able to make out all of the doors. For some strange reason I cannot count the doors in this hallway. I hear a variety of sounds behind some of the doors. Sometimes as I walk near a door the sound falls silent or I hear a shuffling before the silence. I finally select a doorway and slowly open.

Behind this door is a room that is empty except for a chair by the window. In the chair sits a boy who looks to be about ten years-old. He is watching children his age out the window as they play in a schoolyard.

"Why did you pick my room?"

"I don't know. Just random I guess."

"What does random mean?"

"It means that I didn't think before I picked this door."

"Oh."

The boy turned back around and looked out the window. He had a blank expression on his face for the most part but smiled and reached towards the window when a certain little girl ran by.

"Who is that girl?"

"That is the girl I love."

"Does she know that?"

"No and you better not tell her."

"Why?"

"Because she would laugh and point at me. She would call me silly and the rest of the kids would tease me."

Suddenly I was back in the hallway. I had not felt moving but obviously I had somehow moved. I opened the door again to see the chair and the window buy the boy was gone. I pulled the door closed and felt a presence behind me. I turned around and was startled to see the boy standing with me in the hallway.

"You must not go back into a room you have entered before."

I looked at the doorknob and without turning my head around again I knew I was once again alone in the hallway. I was just about to go when I heard sounds coming from the room. It was the sound of children chanting and singing. And it was the sound of a boy silently crying. Crying from his first broken heart.

Dear Binsk,

Please take that horrid picture off your blog or I'll have to wait at least a week until in makes it's way down.

Thanks

ZB

Back to work tomorrow so I'll leave you with this.

I bought a new computer.

A Sony RB40
Intel Pentium 4 w/ Hyper-Threading Technology
Front side Bus speed 800 Mhz
512 MB Ram expandable to 2GB
Hard Drive: 200GB 7200rpm Serial ATA Hard Drive

It writes, burns, copies and even MAKES every DVD and CD R and RW you can think of.

I don't know what all that means but my 14 year-old hasn't stopped bowing and kissing my feet yet so it must be good.

A friend at work says I can start my own pentagon with the thing.

I just wanna read my email.

If the government says it isn't racist, it's lying

The U.S. Government just announced a new visa category. It's called an E3. Here's how it works. A citizen of a certain country goes to any American Consulate in that country and applies for it by showing a job offer letter from a company in the United States and a four year college degree and gets the visa if that visa officers thinks it's legit. Once that person gets the visa it's off to the U.S. to work. The individual is admitted for a two year period and can renew the visa INDEFINITELY and at any U.S. Consulate anywhere. There is no numerical limitation on the number of visas issued. The visa holder's family can come with and attend school or work.

A week or so earlier the U.S. Government announced another new visa category. It's called an H2R (something like that) Here's how it works. The individual has initially been granted a three year work status in the United States. Once the first 3 years is up the individual MUST return to his/her country of birth to APPLY for another three year work visa. IF the visa is granted that individual may return to work for three more years. Once THAT three years is up the individual must leave the United States. Six years max.

Now allow me to ask you a question. Give me your best guess.

One of the visa categories applies to Australians. The other applies to Mexicans.

Which applies to Mexicans?

So I'm awokened at 6AM by the phone and it's the boy asking how I can post that pic of him from so many years ago when he was still a nerd. So to make amends I present a picture of what he looks like now. He's the one standing on the left. The other two are his band mates. The first one of you six regular readers of this blog who walks up to him on the street in Calgary, tags him, and says "dad says you're it" wins a prize!!

Hey Chris, is your hair still that funky? (Chris is the one on the right)

Disclaimer: Band members, family members, and employees of this blog or it's affiliates are ineligible to play.

ANOTHER experiment

I was looking at my hit meter because I'm insecure and need to measure some kind of hopefull acceptance when I noticed that I was receiving hits from people searching certain words on various search engines. Some of them were quite bizarre so I figured I'd give this a whirl.

Today's "bait" words

Tits

Bazooka

Ostentatious

Loogie

Oklahoma

Jenna

Bodaggit

Stereotypical

Kung Pao Chicken

Miocene

Feel free to play along.

PS. on W's Supreme Court nomination.

I just watched a live news conference where the President of the United States, the most POWERFUL man on the planet according to legend described the woman who he nominated for a seat on the bench of the highest court in the United States as,

"plenty bright"

Well, that clears that up. Who needs to waste time on Senate and House hearings now? Let's just move on to more important issues like adding to the deficit.

This is my 16 year-old. She would REALLY be pissed if she knew I put this up here but she won't find out. She STILL sticks her tongue out at me a lot.

This is my OTHER son. The one who is still in Calgary. The only one of my family (hopefully) who knows this blog even exists. He comes in here and reads from time to time. I let him know about this blog in order to keep me from going to wild. He's my system of checks and balances. As you can see he's a serious kid. He's also the kid with the blank look on his face thinking me to fuck off a few posts ago. He's 20 now and is pretty aware of what he needs to do and what direction to take his life. I'm quite proud of him. He's way ahead of where I was at his age.

Hi son!!

Why do my thoughts always spiral down from above
like the leaves to the soft green grass of your arms?
Why do you make me laugh in vivid memory
only to look skyward to find you've gone again?

The road I traveled
Is not one I planned
Is not one that I contemplated
The road to you
brought me to your doorstep
too late for us

Dubyah picks a rookie to start game 7 of the World Series.

Right after Forrest Gump says, "I'm not a smart man" I can pick up and say "but I know what a judge is".

The woman who Bush has selected for his next Supreme Court nominee has never served on any bench, anywhere.

Oh sure, she's a lawyer and all and was Prez of the Texas State Bar Assc but she has never been a judge.

That's the equivalent to me of Joe Torre (mgr of the Yankees) grabbing a kid the organization drafted after graduating high school and who spent his entire first year in single A ball riding busses to games in towns with names like Bumfuck or Smegma or Pleasantville or Dumptserhaven. A guy with maybe a .500 record against kids who will never get into major league stadiums without a ticket. And now here's Joe Torre handing this kid the baseball and pointing to the pitcher's mound in a sold out Yankee stadium for the game that will decide a finality to the season.

The crowd, most of the Yankee players and for that matter the OTHER team are all in unison going WHAT THE FUCK????

And that's my political take for the week.

I bow yet again to a request from a woman

Women who glow

I am by all accounts and admissions a red blooded American male. At times I am very self centered and chauvinistic. I LOVE women. Woman is my preferred of the two sexes. Woman is my life and my downfall. When I see a woman who glows I turn to yearning mush so let me tell you about them.

Just this past week a woman came up to me at work. I would guess that she weighed between 250 and 300 hundred pounds. She was absolutely beautiful. Her eyes lit up and in turn lit me up. She was dressed and made up impeccably and had an aura of confidence that spread outward from a beautiful soul. I was smitten.

A woman who glows is one who you want to dance around the room in big circles as her dress flows and the music plays. A woman who glows is a spirit that knows it's beauty. A spirit that does not rely on the world to hold it to any definition. A woman who glows strolls through a spiritual forest and birds follow with song. You can live in her eyes because it's within them that you see that everything is going to be OK.

They come in all sizes these women that glow. They don't walk, they flow. It's all in the inner spirit. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's that I'm an old soul and can see into women better than others. Maybe I'm just a dirty old man but I don't think so because I have seen women with incredible bodies that didn't impress me at all. Flat spirits looking for pretty boy morons of which there are plenty.

Give me a conversation please. Make me laugh. Meet me half way in us. Find me as having the same worth as I find in you. Be the pursuer and then tease me into pursuing. I'm a romantic spirit. Feed me those proverbial grapes. Allow us to sit silently until our breathing and our heartbeats echo around us.

A woman who glows can do that with one hand tied behind her back.

Now if I could only teach the glowing women how to spot the man deserving of them. I hear too much that a man can get away with treating a woman like shit and they'll stick around. You girls need to stop that noise. Look inside and find your beauty then draw it out and never submit to second rate losers.

Dreary Sunday here in Vancouver. Gray clouds of rain. I love the sound of rain on the roof and no other sound makes me feel so secure.

Within the valley of shadowless death
they pray for thunderclouds and rain
But to the multitude who stand in the rain
heaven is where the sun shines

The grass will be greener 'till the stems turn to brown
and thoughts will fly higher 'till the earth brings them down
Forever caught in the desert land one has to learn
to disbelieve the sea.

If this desert's all there'll ever be
then tell me what becomes of me
A fall of rain?
That must have been another of your dreams
A dream of mad man moon.

Tony Banks
Genesis
A Trick Of The Tail ('76)

One of my top ten albums of all time.

I went to have sushi tonight and took my son and his friend down to the Rickey's restaurant in the same complex of my sushi place. The sushi was fabulous as it always is and I went over to Rickey's to see about the boy. He was seated at a table with about six or seven guys and five or six very good looking blonde girls his age.

My son (at 14 he's our youngest) is pretty even keeled. He's a mellow kid who just made his school's junior soccer team as the goalie.

This is not the first time I have seen him encounter very cute girls. Last Halloween two came to the door in costume and asked him if he wanted to go trick or treating. Then there was the time we were in the mall and two cute girls came up to him and said hello.

He seems pretty shy about it but at least I know he isn't the loser I was at his age. At 5'8" he's three inches taller than I was and I bet he's got 25 more pounds than I did.

That's my boy!

HALF TIME SHOW!!

Cal 14 Arizona 0

Big Dan's analysis of the Pac 10.

ARIZONA
They look good with the solid blue helmets. Arizona is an enigma of football. Sports Illustrated ranked them preseason #1 one year and I instantly knew that they were screwed. Teddy Bruschi was on that team and now he has three Superbowl rings and a stroke. hmmm

Arizona is good at ONE thing, and that is beating Arizona State on a consistent basis. The Wildcats would win the national title if they could get every opponent to wear ASU uniforms.

ARIZONA STATE
The Minnesota Vikings of the Pac 10. Great season with bright post season outlook until the last game when they play Arizona. They have lost a major bowl bid by losing to Arizona in 95 of the last 100 games the two have played. Jake Plummer played there, was drafted high and paid big $$$ for copping a feel.

CALIFORNIA
Always a tough team. Can beat anybody anywhere. They just don't do it enough times in a row.

STANFORD
See California. What I do respect about Stanford that they don't care how big you are. If you're not academically large you don't play there.

WASHINGTON
In a downward spiral. Hopefully Willingham will turn them around.

WASHINGTON STATE
Didn't Ryan Leaf play there?

OREGON STATE
perennial also rans.

OREGON
UGLIEST uniforms in all of sports. SO 70's Houston Astros. Great passing school but goddamn those UNIFORMS!!

U.C.L.A.
Used to be California's Largest Animal.

U.S.C.
Any coach who loses 3 games 2 years in a row is fired. Pete Carrol only has one way to go here. I hate watching their games because of that sound bite between every play. Going for their third nat'l title in a row. Not too shabby.

POST 200.........

is about sports.

DAMN DAMN DAMN.

After jumping out to a 21-3 half time lead my Arizona State Sun Devils fell to those sonbitch Trojans from USC 28-38. Oh well, USC IS ranked #1 and undefeated. I HATE the Trojans. I HATE their lame ass band but their CHEERLEADERS are year in and year out the most well endowed cheerleaders in all of college sports.

The only time I cheer for USC is when the play teams I hate more like Notre Dame or any of the Florida schools or Oklahoma.

I dunno if Arizona plays tonight but the Wildcats are a work in progress. Of course that progress has been going on for a couple of generations now. Of course Arizona BASKETBALL is the best program in the states. Duke, North Carolina, U Conn, Syracuse, and all the others are just wannabes

MINIATURES!!!
Little clay musicians from Bolivia!
Put them together with the collection of market ladies and I'd say we have 50.

I borrowed the pic from the Boobiethon site. Go to www.boobiethon.com to make a donation to fight breast cancer. A close friend of mine lost a breast to cancer. I was able to donate a week's vacation time to her as she was out for a long time during her ordeal. I thank god for her recovery. I donated. Now I want YOU to.

Thanks to justagirl AKA: JaG for pointing this out to me.

I held the book so tightly in my hands
saw your picture
heard you call my name
There was something strange
I could not look away
I wanted to be there
I wanted to go

Good morning boys and girls. Be comment number six with the group and the album that song is on and win a prize.

I'll give you a hint. It came out in 1980 and the radio played it pretty often.

So how are you this morning? Rested? Or are you like me a few years ago? Up all night and just getting to the point where sleep was beginning to be viable? Or not too long ago where I was grabbing golf clubs and heading out the door.

At THIS time and place for me it's a day off Saturday morning and I know we're out of Sugar Pops and Fruit Loops so it's downstairs for a can of coke and the sofa to watch the news and complain that no college football games are on yet.

I don't care who's playing but I won't watch Notre Dame.

Now it's time to go mess with bloggers.

What? You want another hint? OK, here it is from the same album but a different song.

The trees and I are shaken by the same winds but whereas
the trees will lose their withered leaves
I just can't seem to let them loose.