Zona

So the grandkids were going out trick or treating and noting that we'll be in the SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH area next year I told Maggie that next year we would dress Conroy up as a priest and Sabrina as a nun.

She laughed.

Then I said, "wait!! we'll get him a wig and I'll make a big styrofoam cross..."

She screamed.

Later I told her we'd get him one of those get-ups where it looked like he had no head and when people asked who he was he could answer, "John The Baptist".

She screamed again.

She's on the phone so I'll have to wait to tell her about my noose, bag of silver, "I'm Judas" idea.

That's right, It's straight to hell for me.

Happy Halloween

My soft is sore

The x-rays of my hip and lower back are normal so the doc says the pain I feel is "soft tissue" injury that should get better with time.

My wife told me that a neighbor lady came over to ask if we were giving candy out for Halloween. When Jennifer told us that we were, she pulled a small bag out of another. It had a little container of playdough and some small toys. She explained that her 5 year-old son has type 1 diabetes and she wants to take him trick or treating in our cul de sac. She went to all the houses with the little bags so he would get his treat. Child diabetes is just so not fair.

Tomorrow have to run back down to Bellingham to mail my daughter's absentee ballot. Ilsen is the first of my children to register and vote. I'm very proud of her.

Monday, 8AM

I'm in bed and I know I can go back to sleep. I don't have to be at work until noon. I turn over and it's one of those perfect moments. I find the perfect comfortable position. Maggie's on the far edge of the bed so I have all kinds of room. My sinuses are kinda clear so I can breathe pretty good I find myself falling into a great sleep....

and then from the hall, comes a sound

bah baaaaaaah. baaaah baaaaaaaaaaah

The princess is summoning me. I'm up and I meet her at the door. She grabs my hand to lead me to what she wants.

"Wait sweetie, bahbah's gotta pee".

When I get out of the bathroom she's halfway down then stairs. I catch up and to the kitchen we go. She's hungry and she know what she wants. There's a piece of somebody's birthday cake that her mother brought her the night before last. So I put her in her chair and she eats cake and drinks apple juice.

I get a glance at the news and sports and the stock market before she finishes. Then it's cartoons and she's sitting next to me on the couch as I surf the net.

Now her brother and mother are up and it's time for bahbah to make his breakfast

I'm in an obnoxious ornery mood

I've decided to officially back some pro sports teams again. I'm gonna be an official fan.

There's a catch.

I'm gonna cheer for teams who's mascots are not politically correct. Names that some find offensive.

Washington Redskins
Cleveland Indians

And now, a joke.

A blind man walks into a drug store with a seeing eye dog. Suddenly he picks up the leash and starts swinging the dog around over his head. A frantic store manager runs up to the man and asks, "sir, what are you DOING?!?!".

The blind man calmly replies..

"Oh, just looking around".

What goes around....

My doctor sent me for x-rays over at the clinic in Lyndon. So a few weeks ago we bounced over there before one of my softball games. The x-ray office is open until 5PM but when I got there at 4:45 I encountered a sign in the window telling me that they closed at 4:45 that day.

I was miffed.

So yesterday I made the trip over there again. I walked in a 12:30 and the receptionist told me they were just about to go to lunch.

Wrong.

It took the guy about 20 minutes to take my x-rays. That's what you get for doing walk-in VS appointments.

"You should have shot that boy long time ago. He's too rich to kill now"

That line was directed at Jordon Benedict right after Jett Rink sucker punched him. It's one of my favorite movies. It's a damn shame that Jett was dead before it came out.

Tell me the title

We lived at number 7 on Calle Tito in the neighborhood of Villa Armonia of La Paz. Those were great days. Those were simple days. The house where we lived no longer exists. It was built on unstable land and tumbled down after we had moved.

Thursday off

Blew out my allergy infested sinuses
Made the breakfast
Watched the news
Showered
Playing online poker
Eating Tostito white corn chips
Drinking Coke
Will probably go south to clothes shop for the boy
Game two of the World Series
More news
Daily Show
Colbert Report
Bed

5 things I was doing ten years ago

Same thing I do now but on the southern border
Trying to give 8 puppies away
Gardening
Doing photography old school in my own darkroom
Chatting on my first computer

5 things on my to do list today

Shit
Shower
Shave
Work
Watch game one of the World Series

5 snacks I love

M&M's
Almond kisses
Del Monte peaches
Girl Scout thin mint cookies
Crunchy Cheetos

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire

Buy a farm in southern Bolivia
Establish at least one new identity
Make sure my family was okay
Travel the world with two cameras
Worry less

5 places I've lived

Tucson, AZ
Bolivia
Douglas, AZ
Calgary, AB
Vancouver, BC

5 jobs I've had

Bartender
Landscaper
Dog trainer
Delivery man
Catsup cook

5 people I punch

pass

Self-help quote of the year

"We're really into self-help books, but if you repeat something we once quoted back to us during an argument, we'll use that book to scoop out your eyeball."

Actress Leslie Mann in the April 2008 issue of Esquire's "10 Things You Don't Know About Women"

I'm in the same old place, the same old face is always watching me.

Dark house, dark drive on wet roads through a half-hearted rain. Another day at the grind with some early overtime. I'm just not that interested today but it's what I do and there are people who are still out in the rain so I should be thankful.

So I convinced the wife to fry me up some pork chops the way my momma fries'em up.

In bacon grease.

MMMMM

Then you finish cooking them in the microwave.

Man them's good eatin'

Sunday sick leave

I'm not always fond of calling in sick but when I have a head cold and knowing that one person can ruin my whole day/week/career... well it just isn't worth it. So I call in sick.

I made my usual breakfast and then moved my computer set up down stairs so I can play poker while watching TV and having access to all types of snacks.

Robert's sleeping upstairs and everyone else is at church.

We've started turning the heater on in various parts of the house.

Time for a coke and some peanut M&Ms

Gramma's house

Through the front gate up the cement walk and onto the cement covered porch. I can't remember chairs ever being there. Big round white columns and flowering vines.

A screen door and a front door that always made noise so sneaking in was impossible. The small entry way had a bench/box that I opened one day to discover a treasure trove of Saturday Evening Posts from the 50's.

Left into the living room where first you saw a black and white TV on a stand and then a sofa then the big chair where gramma always sat and beside it was another chair and then an upright piano that she won in a contest. That was how you saw the room as you entered and spun your gaze around.

Behind Gramma's chair was the dining area with a table and four chairs.

Now back into the entrance and you go right into a bedroom where I always slept. A big bed by the big window on the right then straight ahead a smaller window that had a paper window shade yopu could pull down. It was yellowed with age but never changed. To your left was the bed that my mother used growing up.

In the back left corner was a door that lead to Gramma's room. A big room with a big bed and lots of trunks. A dresser on the far wall. A door to the bathroom and an opening to the dining area.

You entered the bathroom and to your left was a wall of closet. Pale green doors. Everything else was to your right. A tub with a hose that hung from the ceiling with a shower head. A sink and a toilet to the left of that.

Back out through the opening between Gramma's room and the dining area. Turn right into the kitchen. On the right is a wall of glass doored cabinets and drawers below them. Plates and glasses. To the left was an tin decorative cabinet that held spices and dry food and forks and knives in a drawer. Across was the fridge. Next on the left was the stove and across was the double sink. If you emptied the kitchen you would have a space probably eight feed wide. With all the stuff you had maybe four feet to move around in. The kitchen was retangular and at the end was a table and chairs that we never used. There was also a door that was never opened.

Past the kitchen was a back enclosed patio that we never used as a patio. Half of it was storage. Big cardboard laundry soap drums filled with cloth rags. Rags that Gramma used to crochet big oval rugs. They were in a place seperated from the porch by a plywood wall and chicken wire. Opposite that was the laundry room.

There was a bare light bulb hanging from the roof of the patio. Gramma would turn that light on at night when we were coming home from Aunt Gladys' house across the dark alley and through Gramma's big back yard. That made it our safe zone.

I wanted to keep Gramma's house forever but after she passed in 1980 the house was sold by my mom for $8,000. Eight thousand dollars. That was a fair market price for the house as old as it was and the work that it needed. I paid $14,000 for the used car I drive around in now and will forget when I trade it in for another.

It's still stands and I drive by whenever I'm in Douglas. The vines are gone and it was painted and I always want to go inside but I know that I will not see the same house that I knew as a boy. The bedroom where I heard Jimi Hendrix for the first time. The kitchen where Gramma would fry sliced potatoes that we would quickly gobble down with butter. The back cloth storage where the next door neighbor girl and I played doctor when we were about ten. The safe zone in the dark with a bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling. The bed by the big window where I loved the summer night thunderstorms.

Saturday Breakfast

I get up at 7AM so I can peruse the TV. When Conroy gets up I hear him move upstairs. Then I hear him walking down the stairs and go silent on the tile floor before he timidly appears. He begins to play quietly with toys.

So I cook my breakfast of bacon and eggs. Conroy appears in the kitchen to sniff things out. I know what he wants but I want to eat first.

Sabrina announces her awakening to the house with a complaining cry. Conroy has gone upstairs to begin the conspiracy. I can hear as they come down the stairs.

"Breeya, do you want eggs?"

"Yes"

I smile. The two hungry ducklings rush me making "we want food" sounds. Sabrina has grabbed the place mat she wants to use and Conroy snatches it from her to much protesting. I stop the fight by grabbing the mat back and placing it on the tray of Sabrina's high chair.

Scrambled eggs with toast and jam. Sabrina wants orange juice as Conroy opts for milk.

I have voted

The absentee ballot is sealed in an envelope that is signed and that envelope is inside another. It will go into the mail to Arizona on Monday.

I voted for Obama for President and stayed along Democratic lines for the other candidates. I am not registered as a member of any political party. There are no U.S. Senators up for election this year in Arizona. The only Republican I voted for was the candidate for Cochise County Sheriff.

I voted AGAINST modifying the Arizona Constitution so that it defines marriage as the union between one man and one woman. (same sex marriage will remain illegal no matter the outcome of this proposition)

I voted AGAINST raising the salaries of Arizona State Legislators.

I'm loading about 900 photos on my macbook and deleting and tweeking. It's a great way to blow off a rainy Friday afternoon.

The laptop comes back to life sort of

I bought a 19" LCD screen and hooked it up to my macbook. it looks really nice. I paid $159 for it. What surprised me is that it's made by Westinghouse. A company who's name I haven't heard in years and is famous for refrigerators.

I will be a busy boy tomorrow working on a bunch of photos . Gotta get those 2009 calendars going.

We did all our shopping today. Costco, Walmart, Target and Freddie Meyers. I cracked up because the lady behind us at the grocery store bought about 60 cans of cat food, a 25 pound bag of dry cat food, and a case of Budweiser

Twenty years from now this will be interesting to my heirs

I have two major quirks. (yeah right, ONLY two) Well two that I can think of right now.

I have two towels that only I use. They are huge towels that the grandkids could use as hammocks. I rotate them so that one of them is always clean. If they both happen to end up in the laundry and aren't ready when I need one......

Let's just say I aint fun to be around.

I wear sweats when I am at home. I have one pair of sweatpants. Of course they get dirty, BUT, their washing needs to take place while I am at work so that they are ready when I get home or......

Repeat single line about fun.

I know, I know. I SHOULD get another pair of sweats and maybe another towel BUT if that were to happen and say BOTH sweats were in the laundry when I wanted one or all THREE towels.....

It would be nuclear.

So it's this holiday thing

In the U.S. we celebrate an Italian backed by the Spanish who came looking for something that he didn't find and stayed anyway to cut off arms of the disobedient.

In Canada they needed an October holiday so they plopped Thanksgiving down.

You see, since Columbus wasn't British the Canadian don't have much use for the man. I don't know why we do since he never set foot in the United States. Who cares.

What gets me is that turkeys in Canada are so damned expensive. In the States they're free. You buy $100 worth a groceries during that week in November and they give you the bird. Only fools pay for Thanksgiving turkeys in the U.S.

A post of comments on posts from my links

JaG: Moving is a pain but once you get there it's an adventure of exploration!

Phaedra: wow. promise me that if you break up our friendship, you'll do so by hitting me in the face with a cream pie.

foresome eh? hmmmmm

Ali: That "man in the bush" fear is kinda interesting but I'm happy at the person you're allowing yourself to become.

Krista: Smelly cat poo bad. Boobies good. Fingers crossed that yours is okay.

Jay: sometimes I wonder if you have ANY "normal" days.

Tony: the only good thing about selling stocks just last week would be if you bought them again this week at a cheaper price. that's the only way you could make any money. you're young so you need to think long my friend. go long.

Shaz: I'm hurt that you didn't recognize me!

Danielle: Don't put Chad's keys in the microwave. You NEVER look like a man.

Chloe: My wife and daughter are looking online for a house in Salt Lake City. I have given them a short list of requirements.

An office for me
A master bedroom with no windows
A secret door or passage leading from my office to the bedroom
A self mowing lawn
A snow resistant driveway
A basement big enough for a billiards table

Rebecca: That tribute was outstanding. The game that followed sucked.

Keira: Dinner and drinks at the Cambie?

Vesper: You make that crowd look good by being in it.

Jennifer: Damn, I missed it. Was there an open bar?

Raul: I thought I thaw a tweety bird!

Just in case you was wondering

Manfred Mann Earth Band's "Runner"
followed by some
Bruce Springsteen
and then some
Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds
and currently
Peter Gabriel

So it's a bright Saturday morning and I'm awakened by the light filtering through the drapes and the point where no matter what I do, there is no comfortable position in the bed. The pillow feels like hardening clay. I'm at the point where I wish for a comfortable position in a completely dark place. Then I'm on my back with the iPod playing what's above until I have to sit upright.

Bright Saturday morning and I wish I was on a dock on a lake tossing a line into the misty water. Of course I would be complaining because parts of me would be cold so let's switch to a nice porch overlooking a long valley on a nice warm morning. Of course some fly always wants to come around and mess that up so let's move over to a noisy park bench on The Prado of La Paz and eat some Saltenyas surrounded by traffic noise.

Excuse me a moment. Peter is done.

Supertramp. Shuffle

Even In The Quietest Moments

How fitting is that?

I kinda feel bad for the kids today. They love Coldplay but we had Supertramp. Such a better band. We had so better music but you guys got better technology and satellite TV.

You see, while I sit here typing away my old age on a computer as most of you kids sleep in on a Saturday I recall the days of my youth when I would have gotten up on an October Saturday, and walked out to the back porch of my house and listened to the day while I contemplated what I would end up doing. No computer, no iPod. 5 TV channels. Maybe the mall. Maybe cruising with Phil or over to Louie's house or to the swap meet. The OLD swap meet, not that crappy newer swap meet. Maybe in the late afternoon we might get out to the drag races or just cruise Speedway. Maybe there was a church dance and I'd get to see Becky and her sister Nyla or Kelly and her sister Nancy although it was rare that Nancy was there. Maybe Cindy. If I had to pick which I had the bigger crush on it would have been Cindy. Red hair long and straight, creamy skin. Great laugh and such a sweetie. Just another on the list of what ifs.

Now spread those out over a ten year span and you get an idea of what I used to do on Saturdays.

Today I get up and put sweats on, and come in here, and kiss the wife because she's giving my daughter and my grandkids a ride to a birthday party. I have no bacon so maybe I'll go cook some potatoes to go with my eggs.

UPDATE: No potatoes. Cold cereal

May I answer that?

A question was posed to the prez candidates at the last town hall debate. Allow me to paraphrase.

Say everything breaks down and Iran launches a missile that strikes Israel, do you send the military?

Their answers were predictable blah blah blah.

Here's mine.

Alright, let's cut the bullshit and talk realities. For one, the Israelies would never let Iran get a missle with a nuclear warhead in the air. It just wouldn't happen but say it did just for the sake of the second part of my answer.

We would not have time to respond before Israel turned Iran into a glass coated parking lot. We ALL know that Isreal has nukes. We ALL know what Israel can do in a war. Ask Egypt, Syria, and Jordan, who have all been singing soprano in the region since the six day war in 1967. Just the title of that war, SIX DAY WAR should give you the answer to any "what if...place the name of any middle eastern country here..attacked Israel".

The six day war was fought with conventional weapons. Toss nukes in the mix and you could knock a few days off.

Next question

It's Conroy's 4th birthday
We have eggs and I'm getting damn good at cooking them
It's all over but the voting. Obama has it in the bag
It's my Friday and I can get away without shaving

Take the garbage out to the curb
Give Sabrina half a banana
There are no eggs
Give Conroy the other half
Go tell their mother to get up again
Fight off the pop ups
Watch the wind move the branches on the other side of dirty windows but this side of gray clouds

My mother wants to come up and spend Christmas with us which would be very nice
I'm off Christmas Day and New Years

The LCS's are set with Rays vs Bosox and Dodgers vs Phillies
Debate tonight

Yawn

Men's Journal Exit Interview questions answered by an ordinary me

What adventure most changed your life?

My two year Mormon Mission in Bolivia. I was tossed among the people and learned far more from them than they ever learned from me.

What skill should every man have?

He should know how to make a decent variety of cocktails. And I'm not refering to the trendy shit. He should know how to make a real martini, and a margarita, and a whiskey sour, and a strawberry daquiri. Stuff like that. Then HIS drink should be bourbon on the rocks. GOOD bourbon.

Do you have a scar that tells a story?

I have a scar on my left ring finger that I got when I fell on a milk bottle when I was 1. There aren't many milk bottle scars around anymore.

What would you do with a time machine?

Go back to high school and tear those girls up.

What was your first car?

A 73ish Buick Skylark that was my sister's before it was mine. I paid $500 for it.

Where's the strangest place you ever fell asleep?

Church. Because it's strange that I'm ever in one.

What's the best advice you ever received?

To put the maximum amount possible into my 401K program at work and forget about it. I took that advice when I started 20 years ago and it's the reason I'll have any money when I retire.

Which commandment do you break most often?

I covet.

What's the most physical pain you ever received?

When my back goes out. It's immobilizing.

What's the most cherished possession you ever lost?

I bought a silver ring in Bolivia for my birthday and I gave it to a friend who was going to resolder it. He lost it although my wife thinks he ripped me off. She's probably right and I hope the karma creamed him.

How do you make your favorite drink?

I don't know. That recipe is secret and kept in a vault in the Coca Cola World HQ in Atlanta.

Do you have a recurring dream?

That I'm back on the Southern Border and I have somehow become corrupt. The latest version had me waking up in bed naked with a beautiful young Mexican girl. I knew that the two guys who slippped me the mickey had video of the act and one explained what car I needed to waive through the border. I thought to myself that I would get the info and pass it on to the right people so we could track the car and bust the smugglers.

What song do you have to hear once a week?

Pat Metheny's "To The End Of The World" off the CD, We Live Here.

What's the most scared you've ever been?

When my father had his first heart attack. A second would take him about two hours later.

Which of your senses could you live without the easiest?

Smell.

What modern convenience do you wish had never been invented?

The mobile/cell phone. I absolutely hate them and the people who more and more believe it's a human right to be on them while driving or in movies or at a fast food counter or when I have to talk to them.

What's the first thing you'd do if you became president?

I would order the Secret Service to drop protection service for anyone who served in the Bush White House. I would make it known to the world that I would not step in were any of them to be arrested on foreign soil. They made enough money off the taxpayers to be able to afford their own security.

The yokes broke when I cracked the eggs into the skillet so I'll have to remember that the fresher eggs are in the back. CBS' Sunday Morning is always a nice treat with the piece on David Byrne being the most interesting. They also did a piece on cooky Shirley MacLaine.

The sun is making a break through the clouds that have been around since Wednesday. Conroy is lurking around here somewhere but everybody else is still asleep.

Just the way I like my mornings.

Except for the broken yokes that is.

The only thing not early was me

So I'm up on a Saturday morning at 9AM cooking my breakfast. I'm used to nothing not animated being on TV Saturday mornings but THIS Saturday morning was different.

Women's Golf was on. I found that strange since the ladies are playing on the west coast and usually pro golfers don't start before 10AM. I think it had something to do with the college football game starting at 11 and NBC having the contract to force Notre Dame football on us.

NHL Hockey was on. The league thought it would be nifty to start the 08-09 season with games in Prague and Stockholm. I was pretty bizarre to see NHL in the morning.

Lastly my granddaughter was on the rag. Grumpy, crying, wouldn't be calmed. THAT was the earilest thing of all about the morning

I hope it was his LEFT arm

The Associated Press

Authorities say a Fort Myers man shot himself in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him. The Lee County Sheriff's Office reported that a 29-year-old man and his girlfriend returned home from a bar early Wednesday morning.

The girlfriend told deputies that her boyfriend wanted to get intimate, but she just wanted to go to sleep. When she refused, he became irate.

You can't make this stuff up.

On Sarah Palin debate night

So she didn't answer the questions but she didn't run off the stage on fire either. There were all sorts of gadgets to monitor reaction but they didn't use one I would have loved to see. They didn't hook both veep candidates up to heart monitors to keep track of the rates.

The Republicans claimed victory

The Democrats claimed victory

Joe Sixpack claimed that Sarah had red Victoria's Secret lingerie on under that sexy black dress and that she wants him. Now.

Torn between laughs and sport

Tonight is the last scheduled softball games

The Biden/Palin debate is also tonight.

Pray for rain