Zona

Men's Journal Exit Interview questions answered by an ordinary me

What adventure most changed your life?

My two year Mormon Mission in Bolivia. I was tossed among the people and learned far more from them than they ever learned from me.

What skill should every man have?

He should know how to make a decent variety of cocktails. And I'm not refering to the trendy shit. He should know how to make a real martini, and a margarita, and a whiskey sour, and a strawberry daquiri. Stuff like that. Then HIS drink should be bourbon on the rocks. GOOD bourbon.

Do you have a scar that tells a story?

I have a scar on my left ring finger that I got when I fell on a milk bottle when I was 1. There aren't many milk bottle scars around anymore.

What would you do with a time machine?

Go back to high school and tear those girls up.

What was your first car?

A 73ish Buick Skylark that was my sister's before it was mine. I paid $500 for it.

Where's the strangest place you ever fell asleep?

Church. Because it's strange that I'm ever in one.

What's the best advice you ever received?

To put the maximum amount possible into my 401K program at work and forget about it. I took that advice when I started 20 years ago and it's the reason I'll have any money when I retire.

Which commandment do you break most often?

I covet.

What's the most physical pain you ever received?

When my back goes out. It's immobilizing.

What's the most cherished possession you ever lost?

I bought a silver ring in Bolivia for my birthday and I gave it to a friend who was going to resolder it. He lost it although my wife thinks he ripped me off. She's probably right and I hope the karma creamed him.

How do you make your favorite drink?

I don't know. That recipe is secret and kept in a vault in the Coca Cola World HQ in Atlanta.

Do you have a recurring dream?

That I'm back on the Southern Border and I have somehow become corrupt. The latest version had me waking up in bed naked with a beautiful young Mexican girl. I knew that the two guys who slippped me the mickey had video of the act and one explained what car I needed to waive through the border. I thought to myself that I would get the info and pass it on to the right people so we could track the car and bust the smugglers.

What song do you have to hear once a week?

Pat Metheny's "To The End Of The World" off the CD, We Live Here.

What's the most scared you've ever been?

When my father had his first heart attack. A second would take him about two hours later.

Which of your senses could you live without the easiest?

Smell.

What modern convenience do you wish had never been invented?

The mobile/cell phone. I absolutely hate them and the people who more and more believe it's a human right to be on them while driving or in movies or at a fast food counter or when I have to talk to them.

What's the first thing you'd do if you became president?

I would order the Secret Service to drop protection service for anyone who served in the Bush White House. I would make it known to the world that I would not step in were any of them to be arrested on foreign soil. They made enough money off the taxpayers to be able to afford their own security.