Zona

The "N" word as assigned by the big "V"

NUDE A bit of a no-brainer for me. Nude, nudity, naked, nekkid. I have tons of ideas for nude photography and one day will find a couple of brave models and together we shall make history. I buy the Playboy calendar every year for my Bolivian brother-in-law and of course I must inspect it to make sure all of the months are there. My wife, and a good number of females I know, do not believe me when I tell them that Playboy nudes and semi-nudes are horrendously cliche' photography. The women are sometimes horrendously cliche' as well but every now and the one pops up that wows me. Of course the very best shots for me are the semi-nudes. Words like alluring and sensual come to mind. Cover the essential details and give me a woman with piercing eyes. Some of my favorite nudes are the self portraits I've seen. THAT'S when it becomes art composition as opposed to frank nudity. The woman composes her image to include her nude form and then allows us to see the result. That's real power in photography.

NURSE A funny story. WAY back in 1978 when I was a young 20 year-old righteous missionary in Bolivia I came down with Typhoid. I was rushed to a hospital where they hooked me up with some IV's and put me in a private room. Two young nurses.....two young CUTE nurses came in some time later and told me that it was time for my shot. I held out my arm and they nodded negatively. THIS shot, I was told, had to go in the butt. Now I had received shots in the butt before so it was nothing new. What I DID know is that they did not have to pull my underwear down that far and rub alcohol on my butt for so long. But who was I to complain? This happened two nights in a row. The third night and older (50ish) nurse came in and told me it was time for my medication. She asked me if I preferred the shot or the pill. "There's a PILL"? "Yes". DUH, pill please. The next night the two young nurses were back with a needle. You can imagine their disappointment when I asked for the pill.

I think back about that now as an old man with wisdom and experience and just shake my head. It could have been the same thing that I have since seen in a couple of naughty movies.

Oh well.

NOSEDIVE Hey girls, did you ever have that guy who you could talk to when you were in high school? The confidant? The writer of poetry? Now do you complain that men aren't romantic at all anymore? It's YOUR fault!! You see, I was one of those guys. Guys my age would date and that was norm. Me? I was more into wooing. The quietness of lying in the grass and feeling the breeze with smooth words. Just go ask Dani and Becky and Cindy. They'll tell you how I was. But NO! Those bitches were after the $$$. The material. Both of which I had none of. The young romantic took a nosedive in those days and was even a nice enough guy to comfort you when the other guys treated you like shit.

NOW This is when I want what I want. As in right frikking.

NOOKY See above as to when I want nooky.

NEWSPAPER I love to read the morning paper. This is why I'm so disappointed with Vancouver. Your newspapers SUCK! Calgary had good newspapers but Vancouver's are low quality fish wrapping. Years ago when I started this job I used to read the Los Angeles Times (San Diego County edition) because the delivery driver would drop off 5 or 6 copies as he passed the station. I even got to the point where I could complete most of the crossword on the weekdays. My dad read the morning paper and that's what got me started I guess. Mom still gets The Arizona Daily Star every morning. I noticed myself going through the obits everyday. Mortality sucks.

NAUGHTY I is a naughty boy. I have the wink and the wry smile that goes with it. Used to be shy but now I'm the Bob Segar line. "Aint afraid to look a woman in the eye". I'm a world class flirt and I've felt the pitchfork and the fire closing in on me from time to time.

NARCISSISTIC I've heard this word and I just looked it up finally in the dictionary to see exactly what it means. There's another n word that comes to mind when I try to apply this word to me. Nah.

NINE be to out turned six if. I don't mind. Just a tribute to Jimi. The greatest geetar player of all time.

NACO The paperwork was in my mail drawer when I got back from vacation. They want to know where I want to go when they determine that mine time is done in Canada. Naco, Arizona is a tiny one lane port on the border. A sleepy town full of drug runners south of Bisbee. The wild west is still playing there as shootouts between the Border Patrol and AK-47 armed smugglers are pretty common. Of course where I would be is very mellow and there's an 18 hole golf course right up the road. I'd live in a town called Sierra Vista which is growing in leaps and bounds. Naco is #2 on my list. 1) Tucson, AZ 3) Phoenix, AZ 4) Las Vegas, NV 5) Salt Lake City, UT.

I did not see, "a girl my lord in a flat bed Ford", but can you tell me what I'm doing in this picture? Most of you are probably too young.

Danasaur says it shall be "I"

So here's my 10 I words.

I The most important word in my world. Why not? I do a lot for others so I'm not that selfish but I have needs and wants and dreams and desires. Some of these are quashed for the needs of others but all this effort comes from me, or, I. If I am not who I am nobody gets any I. That means pieces of me that are passed around to others. It sounds silly but I recharge by giving away because I get back in return. I lose when I keep hold. Like this road trip I just took. I got home exhausted because I am the biggest drain of I.

IF The word that signifies my many regrets. Many regrets. "If you could go back and change...." is the coward's way of escapism. You can't. You have to make better while moving forward. I fail at that a lot too.

INGROWN I have chronic ingrown toenail. No matter how I clip them. My big toes are the culprits. Yeah yeah, I should go to a pro to get them done. I have the $$ but you know what? You have to keep this a secret now. I LIKE ingrown toenails. I like to squeeze them like a zit because it feels so good to release that pressure. To go from pain to comfort is one of my fave feelings. Sadistic maybe? THEN I get to yank the dead flesh off and wait for another round. Currently they're both fine.

IDIOTS They surround me. They make up the biggest part of my battle to get through each day without grabbing somebody by the hair and slicing their head off with one fell swoop of a fine sharp blade. Then as they cowered in the corner I would toss the head over my shoulder, step forward over the carcass, point the sword at them and smile as I said, "who's next?".

INTERSTATE The word that describes a road. A path to alone joy. You already know how I feel about the road.

INTELLECTUAL Here's a news flash for ya. I'm not intellectual at all. I'm a common sense kinda guy. Intellectuals believe in a set reaction from a certain stimuli based on scientific theory and shitloads of graphs and results of lab rat experiments. I like knee jerk reaction partly because the phrase "knee jerk" sounds cool. Intellectuals look at classic artworks and define what the artist was thinking and the times and the influence of peers and local culture. I look at it and think, did ALL the women have tiny nipples way back then? Intellectuals believe that the consequence of sex is procreation and tend to explain it in a mature tone of voice. How boring is THAT?

IMPOTENCE Not a problem I have. Really made for some interesting commercials. Like those idiots who show up at the opera just in time for the end. Lady, color your hair and stay home for round two, and round three, and..... When Cialis first came out they were talking about it on ESPN's Dan Patrick show while I was driving down highway 99 on my way home.

Dan: "It says here that if your erection lasts over four hours you should call your doctor".

Rob: "What, to THANK him"?

I almost went off the road because I was laughing so hard.

IMAGINATION I hated school. School bored me and I was one of those classic "he has the talent, if he'd just apply himself" parent teacher comments.I want to be anywhere but where I am most of the time. I love to write but do so little of it anymore because I'm so lazy. I am a world class daydreamer which also makes me a world class romantic. I've saved the world, changed history, and shown women that an aging fat man can sweep them off their feet and carry them to the heights of all god's creation. In my head are the visions of happiness and the lament of deep despair. I carry on arguments in one moment and long for the touch of warm skin in another. I'm not different than most people in this area. I have a world waiting to be created but a wallet waiting to be filled so instead I close my eyes and it all unfolds before me, if only for a little while.

ILLEGAL On the advice of legal counsel I will not comment on how this word applies to me.

IMPASSE Can't think of anymore to say about "I" words. I'm not real articulate sometimes.

Zona's mom finds heaven........in EGYPT.

Mom has taken her first trip since the passing of my father. She has been reluctant because she knows she would be coming home to an empty house. Mom LOVES everything Israeli which is why I was surprised when she told me that this trip included visits to Egypt and Jordan.

She's with a church group like always when she goes on these journeys but like me she loves to ditch the boring people of the group and even pays extra so that she can have a hotel room all by herself. She was dreading all the questions from the other ladies about her husband which is why her email from Cairo made me happy.

The group has several security guards with them but she has one who has become her personal bodyguard. Mom loves all things Israeli but the last time she was in Israel she fell in love with the policemen on the PALESTINIAN side. She just went up to them unafraid and smiled and joked and wanted pictures and they just lapped up all the attention. Of course she was with an American group but pointed out that she is a MEXICAN and probably, knowing my mother, spit on the ground when she said American.

So in her email she tells me about HER bodyguard and how he parted the crowd like Moses parted the Red Sea when he led her through the Cairo bazaar. "Maybe the uzzi he had strapped to his belt helped a little" she commented.

Mom's loving life.

Customer survey question from Holiday Inn Express:

What can we do to make your stay with us better?

Zona Boy's response:

Have all those guests who let their doors slam shut at 11PM and later beaten, and thrown out into the street.

See what happens when I try to play with my blog?

Moab, Utah is one of the holiest sites on the planet for mountain bikers. Beautiful red hills near the Arches National Monument. There are several tour companies who will take you riding, hiking, or rafting. Just an amazingly pituresque place of colors as seen here in the view from my hotel room of the lovely flowers that splash color all about the area.

You call yourself a LIBERAL??? Ya got NOTHIN' on Bisbee people. Ya hear? NOTHIN!!!

They told me to tell you that.

The Bisbee Stairs

In 1935 the Works Progress Administration was formed with the goal to employ mainly unskilled blue collar workers during the great depression. It was a version of a program created by Herbert Hoover and continued by FDR.

One of the projects was the construction of stairs in the town of Bisbee, Arizona. Bisbee is a mining town built in a canyon and before the stairs were constructed the habitants walked up the sides of the canyon to their houses on what certainly must have been treacherous dirt paths.

The stairs are everywhere.

Every year on the 3rd Saturday of September a race is held in Bisbee. "The Bisbee 1000" is a race on some of the stairs.

The goal is the preservation and restoration of the city's stairs.

Below is how I got my wicked sunburn last Sunday and it was worth every dead piece of skin coming off my forehead. I wandered the town shooting the stairs. Here's six of about 20-30 shots.

I shall post more.

The last Tucson post is dedicated to Maddy

My mom opened her email to find a panicked message from my baby sister. She is the official team mother for her kids' soccer team and she was crying out for my help.

The photographer who was supposed to take the team shots had double booked and dropped them. This, after he had doubled his initial estimate for the work. She wanted me to show her how to take the pics with her digital camera.

Well, of course I am her big brother and I have a big fancy (expensive) camera so I knew what I was going to do. The park was not too far from the house and I hoped that Walgreens would have a memory card that my camera uses. It did.

So I show up at the park and we round up the kids one at a time in front of the hedge I use for a backdrop. clik clik clik clik clik.

OF COURSE they're not all there so we wait around and they trickle in clik clik clik.

After a while we have now decided that anybody who is going to show up has shown up and we go for the team shot. It goes something like this,

"Okay, girls in front taking a knee, boys in back. You move here, no here, here means right here. Move closer. Girls don't sit on your feet. Up. Girls don't move, boys slide right a half step. No, right. Look at the camera. Coaches please be quiet. (My bro-in-law is making rabbit ears on my head as I'm doing all this) Kids, pay attention to me. Look at me. clik clik clik. Okay coaches get in there. Just a bit closer. Kids, look at the camera. Chin up Graham. Hands down at your sides boys. clik clik clik clik clik".

DONE!

I take the memory card out of my camera and hand it to my grateful baby sister. She has long been a fan of my photographs of my kids and other people and has often asked why I don't do it for a living. I look at her and say,

"NOW you know why I don't do this for a living."

She nods and gives me a big thank you hug.

Just consider this as comment on your post about the two demon sisters from hell you shot Maddy. I feel your pain.

So here I am on my last day in Tucson doing what I said I would not do. Posting. I played golf in the 90 degree heat and took the camera along to get pictures of cacti.

I'm in my sisters' old room at my mom's computer while my vintage model of the Millenium Falcon from the very first Star Wars movie hangs over head.

The cooler is on. My mom is doing some laundry that she will eventually hang out on the line in the backyard and it will take about 30 minutes to dry in the May Arizona air.

The ironic part is that the TV is on in the living room so I can listen to the Oilers play the Ducks in the playoffs while I surf the blogs.

What a strange life sometimes.

hmmm, do I sit here and post a hundred words on how I think the president of Mexico is an idiot for touring the U.S. to support immigration legislation? Do I add another 100 words on how counterproductive I believe this arrogant move on his part is?

OR

do I go

play

golf?

www.antigonebooks.com

www.optimohatworks.com

One is my fave bookstore in Tucson and the other is where I almost bought a custom made straw hat. I kept hearing my wife's voice, "you don't even WEAR a hat unless you're playing golf or you leave the house on your day off and haven't showered"!

The hat link works now that I have it SPELLED right.

Wow, 666 posts. That might be why I'm watching women's softball on TV while waiting for women's golf to come on. Or maybe I've just been away too long.

Anywho. I noticed that I mentioned the last round of postcards and then mentioned a final round of cards. I DID mail the last round from Moab and the final round is ready to go on Monday.

I fly home on Wednesday, and Thursday I will start posting some pics. I originally started keeping track of who got cards when but soon lost track. I bet I sent out well over 50. Only a few of you got the same cards as I tried to buy/print what I thought would interest each of you. I think that everybody got at least three or four.

It was a lot of fun.

I only sent out one card that had me on it and that shot was deleted by accident along with all the shots from Tubac.

The next post will be from my home computer.

My next trip will be in October.

cheers from the road,

ZB

Zona Boy's newest bumper sticker idea after driving through Salt Lake City twice and Phoenix rush hour on his 2,245 mile road trip.

Put down the phone and I'll holster my pistol

I just looked at the counter and this was Zona Boy's post 666. I see that he mentioned a gun which now seems very cool

with warmest regards,

antichrist

Holy Moroni dem Utah Mormons is CRAZY!!!!

Let me start by saying that I was born and raised Mormon but I am now inactive. Let me add that Mormons have this great ability to laugh at themselves.

On my way up north I drove through Southern Utah farm and canyon lands. Mellow sleepy country with a river meandering.

Then I merge onto Interstate Highway 15. Soon I have the Wasatch range in view and traffic slows as it goes though the construction zone in the big bend where the highway turns north to Salt Lake City.

I did not see the man in the tower waiving a green flag at the south edge of Provo. All I knew is that the speed limit sign said 65 but traffic was going 80.

I'm telling you those people have a true faith that they're going to the highest level of heaven when they die and they show it in their driving. NASCAR came to Utah and everybody was sponsored by one of the wireless companies because they ALL had phones in their hands. Now I'm not a timid driver but when my initials are on the car rental contract where it says I waive the insurance.......

I had a great time reading all of the Mormonesque billboard advertizing. I laughed out loud at some and unfortunately none of you would get the inside jokes. I did see one that almost caused me to lose control. You see, Mormons are a modest people. Or at least they're SUPPOSED to be, but when I saw a billboard with a young couple on it, him shirtless and her in just a bra and "Tired of shaving?" in big letters I just had to laugh.

Of course you just saw her shoulders and it was for a chain of lazer hair removal salons but I think the way most of you would if you saw something like that.

I knew that I was going to stop in Salt Lake to pop into the Hard Rock Cafe. I saw that the exit I wanted was also the exit to go to Temple Square. 600 South. You see Salt Lake was originally plotted out perfectly square so if you are at 600 south you know that you at 6 blocks south of the temple. The Hard Rock is at the corner of 500 south and 600 east.

Really easy stuff to figure until political correctness comes along. You see, I took the exit that was six blocks south of Mormonism ground zero to see that it's STILL 600 south but now it's also known as MARTIN LUTHER KING JR BLVD.

More laughs.

I wonder if there is a Joseph Smith Street in Atlanta.

I always get a kick out of Utah.

I am back in Tucson after 14 hours on the road from Moab, Utah to the Four Corners Nat'l Monument to Route 66 sites through Flagstaff and Phoenix at rush hour and finally down to the Old Pueblo as Tucson is called.

Now a day of shooting in Tucson and then down to Bisbee on Saturday and the final round of cards on Monday.

Moab was wicked cool and is highly recommended. Just don't stay at the Ramada Inn unless you like soft beds.

Tomorrow my road trip begins. The last postcards will come from this trip. Six days up to Idaho and back down south. I'm not getting up to Montana because I've decided to spend more time in the four corners area. (Arizona, Utah, New Mexico, Colorado) Different cards for different places for different peeps.

Enjoy.

NOTE:

If I have your address, a postcard is on it's way to you.

The first round are photos I shot.

Round two are store bought and will be mailed Thursday from Flagstaff, AZ.

If you know what famous road used to pass through Flagstaff them you know what the theme of round two is. Keep it to yourselves if you know.

Just a short update before the shower.

There I was standing on the tee of our first hole of the golf tournament. Tubac, Arizona. 85-90 degrees. Not a cloud in the sky and a light breeze.

This was the 10th annual Border Patrol, Law Enforcement Memorial tournament hosted by the Nogales, Arizona station of the U.S. Border Patrol.

We were looking at a first shot over a mostly dry river bed. 379 yards to the green, Par 4.

All of the sudden a group of six illegal aliens appear, walking north in the riverbed.

Such Irony.

My team finished 2nd in the tournament. We shot a 60. We lost by one stroke.

The illegals were apprehended by on duty agents north of the course after off duty agents armed with cell phones called to report the group.

Tubac is about 20 miles north of the border.

Gone to hell and they're too cheap for a handbasket

I get an upgrade to first class because I know the right person and it didn't hurt that I gave her that box of Bernard Callebaut brandied cherries for christmas. So I don't buy anything to eat because they feed you in first class.

Strike one: All male flight attendant crew.

Strike two: The guy assigned to first class is older than me, fatter than me, and has way less hair than I do.

Strike three: He brings me a snack bag of pretzels.

I was all WTF because we sat waiting for three passengers and USUALLY the flight attendents have made one round through first class offering drinks before the flight pushes from the gate.

Nope.

I had a suspicion when I was offered pretzels and it was confirmed later. NO MEAL. CHEAP MOFUGGERS. Sure, I got a movie. Everybody got a movie. I knew that was coming because I looked in the airline magazine.

It said.

Canada/US Southbound

04/15-04/30 Last Holiday
05/01-05/15 King Kong

Today is 05/04. No meal. GUESS what movie they played. Go ahead, guess.

Right.

No meal, old movie.

Now I've flown first class several times on several different airlines. I work at the airport. That shit's SUPPOSED to happen. What is also supposed to happen is that I am SUPPOSED to be served a hot meal by a female flight attendent who smiles and leans over to serve my food with just one extra button undone and nice red or black lacey edges.

NOT fatso baldo with hampster portion pretzels and two thumbs down, in the theatre Friday, out of theatre Monday, and released on DVD Wednesday crap movie!!!

I DO think Queen Latifah is a beautiful woman though.

I WAS on my way to Tucson though.

And I DID stop between the airport and mom's house to stuff a plate full of Mexican food in my face though.

But when I get back am I EVER gonna ask my friend what cheap bastard America West boss I need to email to complain that I didn't get a hot meal after getting a free upgrade to first class on my $500 round-trip ticket.