Thursday, May 04, 2006

Gone to hell and they're too cheap for a handbasket

I get an upgrade to first class because I know the right person and it didn't hurt that I gave her that box of Bernard Callebaut brandied cherries for christmas. So I don't buy anything to eat because they feed you in first class.

Strike one: All male flight attendant crew.

Strike two: The guy assigned to first class is older than me, fatter than me, and has way less hair than I do.

Strike three: He brings me a snack bag of pretzels.

I was all WTF because we sat waiting for three passengers and USUALLY the flight attendents have made one round through first class offering drinks before the flight pushes from the gate.


I had a suspicion when I was offered pretzels and it was confirmed later. NO MEAL. CHEAP MOFUGGERS. Sure, I got a movie. Everybody got a movie. I knew that was coming because I looked in the airline magazine.

It said.

Canada/US Southbound

04/15-04/30 Last Holiday
05/01-05/15 King Kong

Today is 05/04. No meal. GUESS what movie they played. Go ahead, guess.


No meal, old movie.

Now I've flown first class several times on several different airlines. I work at the airport. That shit's SUPPOSED to happen. What is also supposed to happen is that I am SUPPOSED to be served a hot meal by a female flight attendent who smiles and leans over to serve my food with just one extra button undone and nice red or black lacey edges.

NOT fatso baldo with hampster portion pretzels and two thumbs down, in the theatre Friday, out of theatre Monday, and released on DVD Wednesday crap movie!!!

I DO think Queen Latifah is a beautiful woman though.

I WAS on my way to Tucson though.

And I DID stop between the airport and mom's house to stuff a plate full of Mexican food in my face though.

But when I get back am I EVER gonna ask my friend what cheap bastard America West boss I need to email to complain that I didn't get a hot meal after getting a free upgrade to first class on my $500 round-trip ticket.

i love bernard callebaut
brandied cherries...
You tell 'em, ZB. I want a cactus on my postcard, please.

you need to be able to change your sexual orientation once in a while in situations like that.
Is $500 normal price to go to Canada from the US? It seems a lot...
It's because I fly out of Vancouver Missy. Canadian AND American taxes and airport fees. I could fly out of Seattle for less but then I have to drive two hours through horrendous traffic because the airport is south of Seattle.

Plus I'm on a flight that they use to offset the cheap fares they offer to cities like Los Angeles and vacation packages to Mexico. Add the length of my stay between flights and $500 doesn't end up too bad for that flight.

whew. I'm exausted now. Time for golf in Tubac.

Google Tubac golf.
that's when you must open your hand luggage, take a garlic and threaten to eat it there and then.
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