Zona

My sons, originally uploaded by Dan Lilly.

I love my daughters, but I envy my sons.

I look at them and see what they're doing at this stage of their lives and I envy them.

One is 25. I told him that I thought he was farther along than I was at 25 and he mentioned that I was married at 25 and waiting for the birth of my first child.

But then I mentioned that I was living in the third world and broke without a clue of what I would do. He, I told him, was living two blocks from the beach in Vancouver, BC. He learned to play the drums and had recorded with two bands albeit the recording were not heard by many people. He toured Canada and Japan with one band. I dreamt of those kinda things. He's doing it.

He has a decent job, an awesome apartment, and a girl who adores him. I had the third of those.

The other is 19. He's in college full time and has a nice ride at his disposal. He wants to be a chef and he works hard in the culinary program at Utah Valley University. He's had jobs and saved up for the cool electronic games. he bought his knives and uniforms and has brought home breads and a pie which he made and they were all fabulous. He fell just short of a goal he had to make a touring culinary team but I'm am very proud of him.

At 19 I was going nowhere and decided to do a two-year Mormon Mission. That was no small feat mind you but it did not require what university does.

I don't think any father is perfect and I have many regrets of little things I did or didn't do when raising them. I wish I could go back and hug the little guys more and maybe say, "yeah, you can have that". But I can't.

We all wish we could go back 10, or 20, or even 30 years knowing what we know now. I kinda did that through my sons sometimes. I told them that girls were not to be feared. I told them to always tell a girl how they felt when they had strong feelings and if they got rejected, or laughed at, to shrug and move on knowing what happened instead of later wondering what would have happened. And they did.

I'm proud of both of them and I envy them.

But in my envy I see two young men who are where they are because of where I took them, where I lead them, what I was able to provide for them, and show them, and teach them. (along with their mother of course)

And I realize that I did okay.

// posted by sinner @ 12:16 AM