Sunday, June 15, 2008
I miss him tremendously. It has been an incredibly hard stretch here these last two weeks. I received a rather large paycheck that made me realize just how many hours I had worked. Just how many 3 or 4 hour sleep sessions I had before the alarm awoke me. Usually I wake up before the alarm goes off but that has not been the case lately. What HAS been that case lately is me wanting to tell these fools at work to fuck off and walk away. But I can't do that. It would be against everything my dad stood for. Everything he taught me. All those mornings when I was very young and his alarm went off and he got up and walked to work. The periods where he work two jobs. The time he was fired and desperate to find another job and got the job that would lead to him getting the job he had for over 20 years and the other job he had that he was getting ready for the morning he collapsed. The morning we got him to the hospital where the second heart attack would take him from us. He knew he would die one day and he just asked that he wouldn't linger in some form of incapacitation. He got his wish. I was blessed to have been there the day, the moment, when he needed me the most. I know he'd been there when I needed him and now that I sit on this bed and weep for my father he is here. He is why I will get up at 3 tomorrow morning and go to work another double shift. He's why I can look at the adversarial nature of my workplace and say, "you won't beat me. I'm too strong for you".
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