Wednesday, October 10, 2007

It's a cold rainy dreary autumn day and I'm walking through it in a sense. I'm quite tired of trying to stay dry and comfortable all the time. When I drive on the wet roads there are times when I feel the tires start to slide and I let up on the accelerator wondering if I'll reach the point soon. the point when I'll push the pedal to the floor instead. When so much of the world crumbles around you it becomes to feel like your collapse is in the natural progression and you want to close your eyes and wait for the fall.

Maybe there's a pillar beneath my feet that will prevent my downfall but leave me standing here all alone. Maybe the choice to jump into the abyss will me mine alone. Maybe I will fall and be jolted to safety by the waking matress of my bed.

There are lots of maybes right now. Lots of question marks. Those I don't fear those so much. It's the exclaimation marks looming yet unseen that worry me the most. I cast them out long ago and like a boomerang in the clouds I know that one day they will return but I do not know when or from what direction.

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