Friday, January 12, 2007

Weekend Whine

I'm trying to cut back on my Coca Cola consumption this year. So at work I'm refraining from buying the first one until 10AM. Or was it 9:45. Wait, 9:30 today. Yeah, that's it. But I'm going to stop buying it for the house........probably.

People often ask one another, "what magic power would you like to possess"? The ability to fly? cure cancer? live forever? find the G spot? Today the magic power I want is the ability to change my breath, at will, to "knock a buzzard off a shit wagon" breath, and then back to normal again. Anybody who deals with the general public knows why. I even want them to TELL me, "man you need a breath mint". I WANT them to throw up in their mouths. Wouldn't that be a great power to have?

"Can we go to McDonalds?"

That was one of the first things Shawn Hornbeck asked his father after the two were reunited by police who had rescued Shawn and arrested his kidnapper. Shawn vanished four years earlier and it's a miracle that he was found alive. As a father of a 16 year-old son I tell you that "Can we go to McDonalds" sends chills up and down my spine and a tear to my eye.

My kids don't understand why their mother and I get upset when they're out beyond the time they told us they would be. Only parents understand that. Only parents have those feelings.

I was wondering how many stories tall a building would have to be for me to pee off the edge, and finish before the first drops hit the ground. I'm talking no wind and temps in the 70's.


I can't wait until new years resolutions break down. Mainly all the people at my gym trying to get skinny. they are taking up machines. I give most of them one month... tops.
I said I was going to stop drinking Starbucks.

Today I had three.
I love coke too...I used to drink diet coke and I swear it was MUCH more addictive...I would drink ten cans of that stuff a day. Coke is much less addictive but still not something I could go without for a long period of time.

I have a child, he's furry and has a tail.
Ever since i have worked in a resturaunt that serves employees unlimited sodas, i have become addicted. Me drinking your cans in the frigde will help you cut down. Unless you go back to "after this case, and the other case, there's only one case left!" *flies to fed myers*
Touch my cokes and you're GROUNDED!!

If you pee horizontal:

d = 16.1 * t * t.

where t is how long you pee for, in seconds. d will be in feet.
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