Thursday, February 23, 2006

More tails of moronic achievement at the airport.

Consider the case of the woman with the figure of Humpty Dumpty sporting long fake flat black curls and traveling to sweats.

Or the skinny freckled face white-bread-no-crust teenager with the blue bandana covered with the off centered white yankees hat all bad ass fity cent baggie pants wearin' going to Los Angeles. I love kids like that because they ALWAYS look up when I look at them and say, "your hat's on crooked".

So many people appear in what they think is serious mack gear to travel and I just look at them and ask, "did you lose a bet or something"?

And then there's the guys going home who walk up and I just gotta ask, "what, did you run out of clean clothes that matched?"

I see it all.

Sandals with socks
Button front shirt tucked into shorts
Capri pants with gramma's sofa floral prints
Enough sweatpants that it makes me think the whole world's in great physical shape
Girls over six traveling in pajamas
TWO hats on one head (I don't want it to get smashed)
Thirty year-old implants with sixty year-old bad rug
People wearing Hawaiian shirts......GOING to Hawaii
People wearing cheap Mazatlan straw hats.......GOING to Mazatlan
AMERICANS with "Canada" or maple leaves on every piece of clothing visible and hell no I aint asking.

The very cute full C cup girl with half a t shirt on going to Guatemala and she has a backpack with a big Canadian flag patch "so they won't think I'm American and leave me alone".
I got news for you sweetie, half drunk locals meet half dressed hot bod....well, YOU figure it out.

People talking on cell 5 AM

Twenty year old girls going to Hawaii for six weeks with enough hotel money for two nights. hmmm

Cute eighteen year-olds going to meet an internet boyfriend for the first time. "because he says it's easier if I go there ".

I've had THIS conversation several times.

"Where are you going?"
"There's six of us going to Mazatlan. It's a girl's trip!"
"Ever been to Mexico?"
"No, it's our first time."
"What ever you do, DON'T take a drink directly from a guy you just met. Make the waitress bring it to you and the make sure that at least ONE of you watches the drinks at all times."
"Why do you say that?"

Then there was the girl who checked no to the fruit(s) question explaining that there's an "s" there meaning plural so she checked no because she only has ONE banana. "Not tssss, just ONE!" (I swear to god those were her exact words)

She's closely related to the "I thought you meant like, BOXES of fruit" people that I see on a daily basis.

Then there's this,

"Where are you going?"
"To Denver."
"Why are you going to Denver."
"Because then I'm getting on a plane to Dallas."
"Why are you going to Dallas?"
"Because then I'm getting on a plane to Pwerta Veeyarta."
"Why didn't so say that the first time I asked WHERE you were going?"
"I thought you meant what AIRPORT was I going to."

Ya know, I JUST realized why we have no scissors in our office.

I actually remember when sandals with socks were cool in high school. Thanks for inadvertently bringing back that random memory.:)
I like the white bread no crust
teenager. Excellent.
I'm at work today and I swear a guy just came by with two hats on his one head and the top hat said Mazatlan!
I don't know how you do it, good call on the scissors!
You have a very entertaining job! I love airports.
airports! They need to improve the food -- and drink. What a disappointing glass of shiraz I had at Brisbane domestic.
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