Zona

Me and my shaaaaaaaadow.....

Go ahead dude. Say something profound.

Me? profound?

Okay then. Rant.

I'm not a ranter.

Bitch please, You're world class when it comes to ranting.

No Idea what you're talking about hoss.

Don't be a pussy.

*tapping microphone*

Is this on?

Sounds on to me. Now let's hear it ya KNOB.

Hang on. this is a good song. Sing with me. Papa's got a brand new bag. Check that sax.

QUIT STALLING!!

Ya know I will never understand how people are so frikking stupid when they travel.

How stupid are they?

What is this? the frikking tonite show with Johnny frikking Carson?

Sorry.

I mean do you know how many people MY age (47) come up to me chewing gum with their fucking mouths open? Smacking it and making noises. JAY sus fly fishing the Bow river Krayst!!

Then they have all the travel related shit in their hands and I say "just put it all down on the counter" and they ask, "do you need our boarding passes?" and I wanna scream "HEY BUTTHOLE HAIR I SAID PUT IT ALL DOWN. THAT MEANS EVERY GODDAMED THING THAT'S IN YOUR ASS SCRATCHING, NOSE PICKING HAND!!!"!!!!

Jesus! calm down. Calm down. You got down to Bellingham and got SIX 12 packs of coke. Relax dude, relax. Tell us a happy story.

OH SURE. YOU WANT A RANT AND NOW YOU'RE ALL SCARED!! WHO'S THE PUSSY NOW!!!!

Tell'em the Rock Star INXS story.

The dude that produced the TV show Rock Star INXS came through. A REALLY cool dude. We talked for about 10 minutes. I am happy to report that the girl that I loved, you know, the one with the dreads, is recording an album with some good people so it won't be one of those Bo Bice situations. It will actually be GOOD. And the black kid I liked is working on an album with some good folks too.

Then The Swollen Members came through. I talked to the one guy for about 10 minutes too. I'm sorry that I forgot his name and have to describe him as the black guy but I'm terrible with names. Youngsters like him are ALWAYS surprised that I have heard of them. I told him, "Hey, I know who you guys are, my kids HATE you guys!" and he laughed when I told him that my kids are punk fans. They were going down to play a show in Pullman, WA. (where Washington State Univ is). I told him I was glad that they're having success at what they're doing and I could tell by the look on his face that he was really happy to hear that from somebody like me but I'm really sincere with these up and coming bands. It's their dream and shit so I want it to go good for them.

How was that?

That was okay. Started out rough....

YOU wanted a rant buttwipe.

Okay okay. Turn the microphone off and let's get outta here.