Zona

I'm tired and I'm lazy so I'll post without pictures because they've just piled up on me and what I thought were good ideas for essays seem silly now.

My daughter told me last night that when she googled her son's name she stumbled onto my blog. She said that she enjoyed reading it and I thought oh my god I posted about strippers on Halloween.

So my two oldest kids know that I blog and both have told me the same thing. They understand me more and appreciate who I am as they read my thoughts. Maybe I should have started blogging years ago when they were little. Maybe I should tell my two youngest but I won't.

As a parent sometimes you just wanna shake your kids and yell "why do you think I'm bullshitting you when I'm not"?

But it wouldn't do any good. They have it easier than I did even if I wasn't a great father all the time. I know that I was a slightly better father/role model than all of their friends. As a parent you will always wonder what the one pivotal moment was that you could have changed to make it all different.

The older kids are starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, mom and dad had a clearer vision. Now the two younger kids are head first into their rebellion and even if the two older kids try to stop it they won't be able to.

Me? I'm just waiting for the house to be empty and the wars to be over in a few years.

Terrible isn't it? But you can only tell your kids how they should be for so long before they get to a point where they're on their own and they make their own way. Then they may look at you and say "now I understand".