Friday, June 29, 2007

 

 

 


Today at my daughter's high school they marched the grads "red carpet" style to the football field bleachers for a group shot. They're all in the refinery for the grad banquet and party tonight.

The top pic of course is my daughter and her boyfriend.

Then there's who I thought was the hippest looking guy.

And last is the award for traffic cone look alike.

(I'm so bitchy sometimes)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

whoop whoop whoop

The blog is two years old today

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

 


Today is our 25th Wedding Anniversary

A sunny afternoon in La Paz, Bolivia that would become a disaster on so many levels.

I've told you about it before.

We are not doing much here as the trip to Bolivia for a month will be our celebration. We will be there to spend time with the people who were at the wedding,

As a reminder of that fatefull day and maybe as a token of good luck I ordered 25 red roses.

The florist delivered.........23.

I called and asked "what gives?". The lady was apologetic and promised to get two more roses out to us.....at no extra charge, which is nice considering that I PAID FOR TWENTY FIVE!!!!

The secret to our longevity?

The ability to "roll with it".

Monday, June 25, 2007

aweemohway aweemohway aweemohway

The lead singer of the Tokens has died. No matter how young you are I'm sure you are familiar with the 1961 smash hit, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". He died of lung cancer in his Manhattan apartment.

Recently the man worked for a nonprofit group that helped songwriters get royalties from their work.

I hope he helped the family of the African man who wrote "The Lion Sleeps Tonight".

He never received a penny for writing the song that made millions.

He died some years ago from a curable kidney ailment.

The key word is curable.

It's curable if you have the money.

The man who wrote a smash hit known around the world, died penniless, from something that a fraction of the money he was rightly due would have easily cured.

That's my twice monthly political thought of the week.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Public Service Announcment

Thursday June, 21st was the first day of summer in Canada.

Today, June 24th, is the LAST day of summer in Canada.

Welcome autumn!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

 


Exercise program

My daughter wanted to buy a pool for her nephew so he could have some summer fun. So on her first payday she was shopping and found an unbelievable bargain. A $200 pool for $40. So she bought it and brought it home. I worry too much so I saw the thing as being a little too big for a two year-old. My daughter inflated the pool using a pump we had recently purchased and filled it with water. Conroy went in a time or two and had a bit of a fear of the thing. For one it was so big for him and this is his first pool experience. The other thing which I believe was a factor in him not wanting to go in is that it has not been warm enough here to actually heat the water above the "it's really cold" temperature.

On thing we never considered is that a pool that size is a miniature backyard lake. That means that eventually debris is going to gather at the bottom and algae is going to begin to grow because there is no filter involved and who knows how much chlorine to use and all that pool maintenance stuff and on and on.

So Conroy has not been in the thing in a long time because now the water is dirty. There is an upside of sorts. I have a lot of water I can now use to water the lawn in our local Vancouver days of water restriction AND as an added bonus, or danger. I have a new exercise routine.

I poured the golf balls out of that white bucket you see and have begun the task of emptying my backyard reservoir. I figure about 20 trips a day will keep my lawn green and the weeds growing. If I don't herniate my back or something else I can herniate I figure it can only be a good thing

So far on a Saturday.

Wake up 8:30

Bathroom

Laptop

news
email
flickr
matt good
my blog
email
poker

Downstairs

coca cola
gardettos snackens

TV

news
golf
nascar racing
sports news
news
drag racing

Post on blog

Next

shower

After that

?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I leave for Bolivia on July 5th

I was at the mall with my son the other day and we bought him some shorts and some shoes. I tried to pay with my debt card but their machine was messing up so after three tries I went to the ATM and got the $105.00 in cash.

Two days later my wife is on the phone with the bank to match up figures. She learns that three charges of $105 from the store cleared the day after we had been there.

One pair of shorts and one pair of shoes for the price of FOUR! WHAT A DEAL!!!

I called the store.

They want a fax of the records.

I call the bank.

They fax the statement.

It's being worked on now.

ARRRRRGH!!!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Today is my 23rd father's day

I am celebrated by the world for my ability to impregnate a woman.

I am loved by my family for my ability to maintain comfort in their lives.

All the money.

All the love.

All the clothes.

equal comfort.

The arguments

The conflict

equal comfort.

Normalcy.

Safety.

Twenty three years of fatherhood

Friday, June 15, 2007

 

 


My daughter's grad ceremony was tonight.

I love you baby

UPDATE: after some hours of sleep

So we gathered for the ceremony at a local church. It was the only venue around that would hold everybody. The kids went and got their caps and gowns and returned to the courtyard for the obligatory photos. I called my mom on the cell and let her talk to the grad. We waited around in the beautiful early evening until it was finally time to go inside.

Up we went to the balcony for what has become our family tradition. While the first speakers blah blah blahed we inflated our 5 beach balls. Five different colors. Then the kids were marched across the stage one by one to varying levels of applause. When my daughter received the diploma holder, (more on that later) we stood and cheered while batting out beach balls down upon the students seated below.

When we did this in Calgary for my oldest daughter the teachers/ushers/nazis pounced on them quickly. Only one escaped for about 5 seconds to be batted about by the students.

No teachers/ushers moved to gather last night's beach balls and they were batted around at various times throughout the ceremony.

After it was all over I asked my daughter, "did you see the beach balls?"

She said, "no, I was SOOOO nervous I didn't see anything until I got back to my seat and a couple of them were batted around".

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ LU WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!! That's why we took the things!!

The students did not receive their diplomas because most still have tests to take so they haven't officially graduated yet. The same thing with my other daughter. They're SO lame up here in Canada.

One out of three is pretty bad

I rented three movies.

The Last King of Scotland was an okay movie with a BRILLIANT performance by Forrest Whitaker. I'm very happy now that he won the academy award for this performance of Idi Amin.

The Good German was one of the worst movies I've seen in some time. A fragmented, stupid story. Don't waste your time, or money on this piece of scheiza (sp).

Letters From Iwo Jima was boring. I haven't finished it yet and doubt that I will. I don't know why I rented it knowing that Clint Eastwood directed it. I haven't seen anything from him that I've liked.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

An oldie but goodie on cows and politics


SOCIALISM:You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM:You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:You have two cows.You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:You have two cows.You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:You have two cows.You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:You have two cows.You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows.You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows because your sobering up and open another bottle of vodka.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who report the real situation.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION:Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.You tell them that you have none.No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh*t out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but now you're a "democracy"....

THE POLISH GOVERNMENT:You have two cows. You lecture one on how turning gay will mean the end of cattle. The other cow emigrates.

CHELSEA FOOTBALL CLUB:You have two cows and twentysomething overpaid donkeys. Everyone hates you.

THE WELSH:You have two cows. You try not to look too disappointed.

AN IRISH ENTREPRENEUR:You have two cows. You borrow against future headage payments to develop your land. The cows can live in flat 62. In Bulgaria.

AN IRISH RURAL DWELLER:You have two cows. An Taisce object.

THE IRISH TIMES:You have two cows. They don't always agree with you. What sort of cattle are they?

THE SUNDAY INDEPENDENT:You have two cows. You start sleeping with one of them. A column follows.

FINE GAEL:You have two cows and, by God, a CONTRACT for two more!

PROGRESSIVE DEMOCRATS:You have two cows. The others were destroyed by an ungrateful public.You're not quite sure if two is enough to maintain an actual farm.

SINN FÉIN:You have two cows, not enough green fields, and lots and lots of sheep.

THE GREENS:You have two cows and an extensive portfolio of equity interests in various American food and beverage corporations. You sell these and pay child actors to pretend they want adults to vote for you.

FIANNA FÁIL:You had two cows. Due to separation proceedings with your one-time heifers, you dodge any questions on your finances.

Socialist Party:You have two cows. You keep one and pay the other to your party. This keeps you in touch with ordinary working farmers who have only one cow. The other farmers ignore or patronise you.

THE H.S.E.:You have two cows. They go on strike.

People want their money back

The Sopranos ended and people are pissed off. They think they got pissed on. I watched the premiere in a hotel room way back when and followed it seriously because the creator said it was only going to last four years. Then HBO threw lots of money at him. We've been here before kids.

But the reaction of many to the ending of the series takes me to a scene from Amadeus. Mozart is bummed because his first major opera is yanked after only a few performances. Salieri remarks to Mozart that he is overestimating the Vienese audience.

"You didn't even give them a loud bang at the end so they would know it was over."

Now I'm not comparing Chase to Mozart. I thought the series took a nose dive when it went from 4 years to 6. I just laugh at anybody crying foul. If I ended this blog today or you ended yours, our lives would go on. Happily ever after or not. We all just move along.

Now everybody in TV land moves on as producers look for something to fill in the slot as the crowd boos and throws popcorn and candy wrappers. I walked out of the theatre some time ago.

I've got better stuff to do.

Maybe Chase should have ended the series with the appearance of Christ and the judgement of Tony.

Or maybe a scene at the bada bing with all the strippers from all the seasons dancing and waving to me sitting at a nearby table. Then cut to a scene in a small house in Pakistan where Bin Laden and his right hand man are recording their newest video. The guy holding the AK-47 behind them pulls of his head covering and......IT'S PAULY WALNUTS!! "Time's up cocksuckers", he yells just before emptying the 60 round magazine into the two very surprised gentlemen.

Maybe that would have made everybody happy.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Unlinked, uninvited, but if only I could be untired

I ditched the Timmy Horton's that I've been going to almost every day for the better part of a year. I ditched it for a younger model. A new hard body. Flat tummy. One who already knew what I wanted on the third day.

It's a shorter walk and has a big picture window and a huge aquarium. Less exercise, more zen. No line and warm muffins.

It mirrors what I want in life.

A short walk to a shiny new smile, a warm muffin, and a view.

Too much to ask?

After all, my birthday's coming up.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Had my father lived, today would be my parents' 50th wedding anniversary.

It still kind of is.

They were married in Lordsburg, New Mexico.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

For the second year in a row, and the eighth time since 1991, the University of Arizona Women's Softball team are the NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!

YEAH YEAH YEAH BABY!!!

Congratulations ladies!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Anxiety

I paced more nervously than I can remember. Back and forth looking at bright colored baubles for adolescent girls. I took a deep breath waiting for the inevitable. Wishing it was over and we were in the car on the way home.

Then the inevitable came.

A shrill screaming cry that leads to a cough and more crying. And almost as soon as it began it was over.

Definite relief.

I paid the woman and got the bag containing the proper care products. Then I took my grandaughter from her mother and told her it was okay while examining the tiny stainless steel post in each of her tiny ears.

8:16

How come Jesus gets industrial disease?

I have a sore throat and a runny nose

I'm not going to shower

Checked with ace five

Bet 80 on the flop

Got a pair of aces

Flop is three clubs

I folded cause two went all in

I smell a flush

No flush but I would have lost with a lower kicker

That's what I need today

A high kicker

8:01

Seven eight suited, flop gives me a straight flush draw

Missed it on the river and folded

Folded queen duece

Wife's in the shower

Folded queen trey

"All these signs saying sorry but were closed, all the way, down the telegraph road"

ONE of you surely has this CD

Folded two eight off suit

I kept getting dealt shit

Hope that stops when life goes online real today

7:51

Cyberlandia is pretty boring this morning

I should put on some tunes

Ace Jack suited and I'm all in again

I took it with aces and folded two four

Dire Straits, Love Over Gold

Don't disappoint me and tell me you don't have that one either

COME ON!!!

Folded king five

7:44

My grandson just walked into my bedroom.

"fuck fuck" he said until I realized he was saying frog while holding his stuffed frog.

The boy has a soft r.

Rain on the roof and the wife in the bathroom going through her start up motions for the day.

I went all in with a pair of eights and got beat by a full house.

I told them that I wanted to leave at 9:00 to go south.

Silly me.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I'm so f'ing tired.

My mom's fave macaroni salad (via the missus) is chilling and I'm finding it ever harder not to just go to bed. Big wig at work was late after we got all dressed up. Of course not. None of us stuck around.

Which one of you wants to give me a back rub until I fall asleep?

My macbook still gets online even though the wireless router is disconnected. Which neighbor should I thank?

Bolivia next month
Toronto Septemberish (watch for the Matt Good tour dates)
Europe next spring or summer
Move back to the States next fall

All those make time seem so compacted. Makes me feel like the illegitimate son of the energizer bunny and the rabbit form Alice in Wonderland on speed and chain smoked filterless pall malls.

I'm SO F'ING tired.

Alergies

Who will hand me a tissue?

Posted to Paula Cole's "Nietzsche's Eyes" and "Road to Dead"

Haven't heard'em? Why the F not?

Monday, June 04, 2007

Check it, bilingual baby, bilingual.

Falta poco mas que un mes para mi viaje a Bolivia. La tierra natal de mi esposa y la almoada de my alma. Voy en el proceso de comprar regalos para la familia. Especialmente mis sobrinas. Mi esposa estaba alla hace poco mas que un mes y tiene las lista. Mochillas, DVD's, y unas cositas para las chiquitas que som tres, y MP3 player y DVD y Tenis Converse para la de 20 anyos.

Una de las sobrinitas comento' a mi mujer que una de sus amigas viajo' a Alemania y trajo' una mochila "esclusiva" y lo mostraba a todas, comos decimos en Espanyol, "oliendo mierda y pisando huevos".

Me preocupo en comprar los regalos porque no quiero fallar sus esperanzas. Siempre quiero ser "el tio heroe" cuando llego a Bolivia. Tengo el mal habito de esperar perfeccion en cosas asi aun que se' que estaran requete de felices recibir tesoros de gringolandia.

Tambien estare' en Bolivia el dia de mis cumpleanyos y voy a hacer una fiesta com torta y mas regalos para mis sobrinas. De esto me voy a divertir mucho. Hay que estar al tatnto con mis fotos Flickr.

There is only a month left to go before my Trip to Bolivia. The land of my wife's birth and the pillow for my soul. I am in the process of buying gifts for the family. Especially my nieces. My wife was there about a month ago and has a wish list. Back packs, DVD's and a few little things for my younger nieces and a MP3 player, DVD's and Converse tennis shoes for the 20 year-old.

One of the younger nieces told me how a friend travelled to Germany and brought back an "exclusive German" back pack and paraded around like we say in Spanish, "smelling shit and stepping on eggs".

I worry about buying presents because I don't want to fail their hopes. I always want to be Uncle Hero when I get to Bolivia. I have the bad habit of expecting perfection in things like that even though I know they'll be overjoyed to receive treasures from gringoland.

I'm going to be in Bolivia on my birthday and I'm going to have a party with more gifts for my nieces. That's going to be a lot of fun. Just keep checking those Flickr photos.

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